Winter Sun

A change of perspective is sometimes all we need to breathe life into the bleakest of circumstances. Like my tree photo on a recent walk, a few steps sideways and all you get is a leafless tree preparing for the winter season. Taking just a moment of time to allow the sun to shine a little brightness into the very centre changes everything! These past few years I've journeyed through the most impossible of challenges I could ever have imagined. To see the woman I've loved so very much, suffer and eventually die from a pretty awful cancer was almost completely unbearable. Yet throughout I chose to recognise the place of Jesus Christ as being in control of every tiny detail of both our lives. That is a very, very hard thing to do, but in reality the only sane way to cope with what happened. Yes I've known the presence of the Lord with me at every step of this impossible journey, and despite the intense pain of loss I live daily with the peace and comfort that only such a faith journey can bring. And the pain has eased massively over the past 19 months. But even this morning I awoke in my bed thinking of Jane, and within minutes found myself once again on my knees before the Lord… crying uncontrollably, though comforted in those very same tears as I know full well that they must be shed in full measure before I can move on.

And, of course, I know beyond a shadow of doubt that Jane lives in the physical presence of the Lord, in that most mysterious of places called heaven. Yes she has truly moved on by now and left behind all her pain and suffering for the rest of eternity. One day we’ll be reunited. But in the meantime I need to embrace my new life, which can never be the old one I shared with the love of my youth. I'm middle aged and one day, not too soon, I will grow a little older… though yeah my intention is to keep the teenage Dave alive inside of whatever this weather worn body decides to look like! And having walked with God over these past months and years I've learned to recognise his direction, his favour when he brings it across my path, which is exactly what he has truly done. I am the most blessed person on planet earth as I daily discover that I am able to live and to love again! Am I still sad in this winter season of my life? For sure! But only a little… just to make sure I'm completing all that needs to be done on my bereavement journey. However right now I'm also beginning to feel like the teenager I once was… and have every confidence in an absolutely amazing future, whatever happens, as I continue to walk on this great journey called life, with my Lord.

Isaiah 61:3 ‘he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair.’ (NLT)