12th April

Yesterday was a really big day both emotionally and for Jane physically so today we needed to crash. Apart from a few little jobs… our motorhome sailed through it’s MOT which is always a relief; we both spent the day resting. Jane seems to be quite comfortable and recovering nicely from her week in hospital; a good night’s sleep is always welcome after the all night activity of a hospital ward. But she remains unbelievably weak, totally dependent upon oxygen and our stairs are a major obstacle either going up or down. Recovering strength for basic mobility is a high priority as at the moment we have to consider her living solely downstairs. Having Jane’s 96 year old mother already using our main lounge as a bed-sit and then considering a bed in the back room as well really would turn our house upside down. Jane really does not want to consider this. Already having a disabled person’s ground floor shower room is great for Jane’s mum but again Jane remains determined to make a recovery.

Yesterday in the interview with her oncologist he was discussing the practicalities of end of life care and suggested that Jane did not have that much time left although there are always uncertainties. He left us alone for a short time and Jane’s immediate response was too laugh and state ‘the obvious’… this is totally unreal, it does not fit our plan for life and though, of course, we have to deal with the physical fact that Jane currently has terminal cancer we cannot ignore the reality of our spiritual life. God has touched our hearts with something much more than a premature death. There is a life still to be lived, there are needy people to be helped and there is a faith journey to be walked. Jane has given her life to Christ and cancer cannot claim it. The Lord Jesus and he alone determines the exact number of days that we live, so whether they be few, or many, Jane’s life and mine are totally secure in his hands.

Psalm 139:16 ‘You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.’ (NLT)