30th October

What a special day it’s been, challenging though, with sadness all mixed up with the fun of spending time as family. But I was really blessed this morning as the Lord spoke to me in a very personal way. I don’t need to share the word here as what he said is not, at this point in time, as important as the fact that he actually spoke to me. It was probably a couple of decades ago that the Lord first spoke this word to me and I found it instantly intriguing as I didn’t understand it’s clear meaning. And I still don’t.  It’s sort of a puzzle that he speaks to me and I presume that one day he will make clear what it means and how I can respond to it. But the point is that when he speaks this word I chew it over for a short period of time and try and work out what to do with it, before laying it on one side and forgetting about it. Sometimes for a month or two until he speaks it again, but more often a year or even longer will pass until quite suddenly the words pop into my head. And then I know beyond a shadow of doubt that there is a God in heaven who wants me to spend some time with him. Perhaps that’s enough, for now, as the words reflect the intimacy of a close relationship built over many years. A bit like my marriage, when so very often words were not needed to communicate a shared thought… just a glance of the eyes was usually enough to know what each other was thinking. I call it the language of love and why should our relationship with God be any less intimate?

And I do need to say thankyou to the Lord for a good night’s sleep, but even more helpfully I woke this morning without any trace of the bad headache I’ve suffered for the past few days. But this whole weekend has seen tears flowing so very freely and I feel so wonderfully privileged to have such really close friends to share them with. I’m talking about my children. One of my daughters had her birthday yesterday and she shared that she’d spent much of the day crying. As did I. And the community Memorial Service at the local Parish Church went well this afternoon, very sad but suitably respectful for a mixed congregation including those who don’t normally attend church. The place was packed with those come to remember the loss of loved ones. But I found it rather challenging having so many memories of being there with Jane, as we quite recently spent 12 months as part of that congregation when Jane was recovering from an operation and couldn’t travel much further.

The family birthday party was really what the weekend was all about though. In my imagination I saw Jane giving her approval to the whole thing, but more especially the effort I made to host the event. I’m not really a kitchen person but at one stage we had 3 different curries, a pan of rice and bhajis in the oven all being prepared by 3 or 4 cooks at the same time over one small cooker. And most surprisingly I was right in the middle of it all! That’s never been me, it was always Jane…

1 Kings 19:11-13 “Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And a voice said…’ (NLT)