Saturday, February 25, 2012

25th February 2012

Well I tackled a little job this morning and found it quite tiring, which is always frustrating. But I can’t sit around forever. Yes I’m beginning to feel like getting away in my motorhome and that’s not as totally straightforward as in the summer. After a few months just sitting there, the water tanks needed purifying and the whole system needed a pressure test. Last year we had particularly severe frosts, so despite completely draining the system, I still ended up with a burst pipe and split showerhead. Repairing these faults whilst camping might be possible as I carry a repair kit, but it’s so much easier at home. No such problem today though! But the idea of a holiday is to relax, not work. And I’m sure ready for a break, though I’ll hang around for a few more days as my dad’s back in hospital on Wednesday for a repeat biopsy after unclear results a few weeks ago. I’d like to support them as best as I can, but we really need a good outcome from this new test. My brother-in-law is in the middle of a serious cancer battle right now and it’s all getting to be a bit much for my parents. And me. I have a friend awaiting results sometime soon. And then my son-in law has a hole in the heart op to face…

I suppose I’m properly qualified to support any hospital patient, having spent such a lengthy time doing just that over the past 5 years or so. I’ve certainly experienced the horrendous challenge of a cancer journey in quite some depth. And whilst it was only Jane who endured the treatment, which was never easy, I still have to say that the Lord was with us every step of the way. His peace, his guidance and his provision were with us the whole time. I can recall only a couple of brief moments when it felt like the pressure was really too much, and then God intervened with immediate effect. From the very first of Jane’s treatments, I determined that if Jane were to die I would be right by her side supporting her in whatever way possible. That’s exactly how she went. But I really hated it when I was excluded from operating theatres, the thought of losing Jane like that was probably the closest I ever got to being fearful. However for her first major op I went home for a couple of hours to try and switch off. The Lord sent a friend round quite randomly and unknowingly, so he simply sat and prayed with me for a while. A couple of years ago Jane was booked in for a third major op, and during the pre-op consultation it became very clear that this really was not a good idea. The Lord intervened and in the middle of the consultation we were able to contact a source for alternate treatment and agreed to proceed with that. We were never in limbo. And I have confidence that every decision was of the Lord.

We continued to walk down a pathway of God’s peace. He carried us through these ordeals without ever failing to show mercy. It’s impossible to judge how any number of different decisions along the way might have affected Jane’s disease progression, but ultimately we both retained the peace of God every step of the way. And surely he, and he alone determines when our time on earth is finished. No matter what precautions I take to frost proof my motorhome I still burst a pipe. Jane and I purposefully tried to eat healthily and exercise from the first days of our marriage… she still had cancer, and I have no idea how or why. Of course we did our very best to fight this evil thing as well. The only thing that makes any sense at all is walking with Lord, he doesn't always lead us out of trouble, but for sure he’s with us every step of the way. And given our ultimate destination of an eternity in his presence that’s all that really matters.

Psalm 139:16 ‘You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.’ (NLT)

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