23rd May

The longest day… the watching and waiting continues. Our two youngest children sat with myself and Jane all through the long night, they are precious. They then slept for a few hours whilst our older two covered the first half of the day, and then all four were there.  We’ve had a continual stream of doctors and nurses every three hours or so for a day and a half now. Most had to be called in via the help line with subsequent waits for urgent help for Jane. Much of the day has been quite difficult, adjusting medication, waiting for prescription deliveries. After a couple of injections Jane managed to sleep for an hour or two, but more commonly became quite anxious asking for help… ‘Oh Dave what are we going to do?’

Moving her about is very difficult, but I’ve found she can put her arms around my neck and I lift her in a hug, whispering something nice whilst I sort of ‘slow dance’ to her new seat. We now have a profile bed, fitted with an oscillating mattress filling our living room and that is a good improvement for Jane’s on-going comfort. She’s been sleeping for an hour or two this evening, but is now seriously sedated after a trying day filled with far too many health visitors and their questions, ringing phones and unavoidable business. I’ve begun to take back a little control of Jane’s peaceful environment needs now but organising everything has been necessarily complicated. They’re all trying so hard though.

And I nearly had an hours sleep just before the doctor kindly rang to check on Jane. That’s my third I reckon in about three days. I’m living on caffeine, Lucozade and painkillers with small quantities of food right now but have no choice but to respond as Jane’s primary carer and comforter. I have a couple of children again to support Jane through the night alongside a TreeTops Hospice trained nurse so maybe I might get a little rest… we’ll see.

Odd really, but I keep getting little stirrings of great joy and encouragement from the Lord to look ahead, not backwards or around me but to the future. And come what may I’ve made a date with Jane… an inflight reunion on the way to the Mount of Olives! And now I’m crying again…

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 ‘Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord’s word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left until the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage one another with these words.’ (NIV)