31st May

Although exhausted as usual and fighting off a long term headache, I’ve quite enjoyed today. And indeed I’m beginning to feel a lightness in my spirit. Yes there have been a few tears but the self-pity seems to be under more control… I’ve been blessed with a fantastic wife and a wonderful life for which I am so very grateful to God. And I am absolutely sure that it is only his hand of favour upon Jane and myself that has brought about that full measure of blessing. That being the case why should I doubt that all is well and all will be well going into the future? Obviously my life will be different, very different, but God is the same yesterday, today and forever. His favour is towards me and my life is secure in his hands.

I spent the day with my youngest daughter today and we had a really good time together. We often end up debating the nature of society and how it is shaped by different influences particularly considering the often negative effect of religion. I personally try very hard to avoid being religious, which I would define as being a man-inspired form of Godliness based often upon repetitive ritual but I also get quite annoyed when Christians use scripture in a dogmatic legalistic way to insist that other people behave in this way or that way. I do believe that the Bible is the inspired Word of God and that it is useful for teaching and correction in all areas of life and I work hard to live according to the Bible’s teaching, but I also believe that it is not intended to be a law book to be followed legalistically. The only law I wish to be bound by is the law that God writes upon my heart and his love for me inspires willing agreement with Biblical principles, not my fear of the consequences of breaking a commandment thrust upon me by some preacher or other. Oh, but I do try and keep to the speed limit as well…

I’ve been to the always predictable Ikea three times in as many days, it’s a bit like Marmite you either love it or hate it, I find it affordable and they have the stuff I can use, so I love it… and Marmite. Anyway my daughter helped me a lot whilst driving there with a wonderful pearl of wisdom. She talked of time being a good healer and the current pain of memories of her mum fading to be replaced with pleasure in recalling her life. That was precious. Why should remembering a loved one be painful? Grief must run it’s course but the blessing of 40 years of happiness is surely a rich treasure to be enjoyed in many ways in the coming years.

Matthew 13:45-46 ‘Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.’ (NIV)