I have to keep going forward, I know. There’s no point in looking back and dreaming of recapturing that which is lost. Those sorts of dreams are only any use in dreamland; they have no place in reality. But some days it’s pretty hard just standing still let alone moving on. So this morning I chose not to go to church, which is most unusual when given a choice, as I really value the people there. And I belong in the house of God. But this evening I wanted to be at another meeting saying farewell to a couple who were leaving to go live in Nova Scotia. So that meant I couldn’t be busy at both ends of the day… it’s too much at the moment. And that’s the way I have to live, quite simply trying to measure activity in order to prioritise that which is important.
Life is very trying as I make this journey through grief and I suppose I’m just dealing with the ongoing effects of trauma, caused by caring for Jane at the end of her life. All I know is that stress always triggers my ongoing ill health and I have to minimise it as much as possible. So if I have an opportunity to do something I simply consider how it makes me feel, and if I recognise any concern or tension about coping I then do my best to avoid it. But that’s not always easy.
And I’m still finding my daily walk through the woods to be a great stress buster, so there’s hope for progress in a very constructive way.
Hebrews 12:1 ‘And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us’ (NIV)
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