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This past week of sickness has
been the most special of my life… I’ve spent most of it just resting, which in
one sense is completely boring and totally unproductive. Except it wasn’t. I’ve
enjoyed the presence of God in my home in the most wonderful way; he’s truly
with me and without the distraction of my normal busyness I’m learning to reach
out to him in a new way. My guitar has remained in it’s case since last
Tuesday, when I played at my Church Home Group, and instead my iPod has really
come into it’s own with internet radio Apps. I’ve been listening to a number of
Christian stations which of course don’t always hit the mark… we all have
different tastes. But, nonetheless, at times I’ve been absolutely staggered
with the Spiritual presence often revealed in tracks that I’ve been familiar
with for some years. And I’ve flagged up a few pieces of music to have a go at
playing myself so that’s something to look forward to soon. I guess what I’m
trying to say is that in the midst of my physical brokenness I met with God. He
touched my heart with his wonderful love, I called out to him and he answered
with a gift of peace.
And for the first time in
almost a year I’ve begun to pray again. I mean really pray. For a long, long
time I only had one very simple prayer whilst on my own… ‘Lord, please don’t
take Jane from me’. Since she died, my solo prayer became rather shorter… ‘I
love you Lord’ has been my tearful cry. Yes, what I’m talking about is the cry
of the heart, not a prayer list of needs to work through in a structured way. Of
course, at different times and in different ways I may pray for family, friends
and whatever; that’s not an issue. A big part of my heart was filled with love
for my wife and she was my number one concern so I prayed for her; today my
heart is being healed as it is filled afresh with my love of God, so I worship
him. That’s where my new life begins. I’m well aware that mentally I could
condition my thinking to deal with bereavement and pick up on life again, that’s
not a real issue. The real need though is for me to walk with the Lord and allow
him to bind up my broken heart with a heavenly seal. The love I shared with
Jane was a gift from God many years ago, but now that most beautiful of
treasures must be locked away for the rest of my earthly life. Only in the
safety of eternity can it be opened. In the mean time I’ve begun to pray for
others again Short prayers, but heartfelt nonetheless.
Hey, I was wondering if maybe
we all get to walk on water when we get to heaven… not just Jane!
1 John 4:8 ‘But
anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.’ (NLT)
2 comments:
I love the way God does that. No matter how you've been laid low, He always meets with us. It's like He's saying "I've got you where I want you now." I remember an old preacher say to me once that the floor was God's operating table.
I remember quite unthinkingly playing Graham Kendrick's 'Beauty for Brokenness' many, many years ago... the song may be dated but I understand the title now.
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