15th November

So I decided to keep it simple by avoiding the rather longer journey. I quite fancied a few days in Cropton Forest on the North York Moors, but I felt so very tired and decided to return to the always peaceful Hanley Swan near Malvern. So that’s where I am. It’s not quite the right time of year for trekking through a forest but maybe next time. And after only a few hours I feel like I’m beginning to relax again so that’s good. But I did have a moment this afternoon. As I was setting up my new Wi-Fi connection I allowed my mind to wander, and that was a mistake. I started to feel nostalgic, a real strong sense of missing something… Nottingham City Hospital! It makes no sense but I keep on thinking about the place, the people, the wards, the clinics, the different departments. We spent so much time there over several years that it sort of felt like a second home. Perhaps it was the highly emotional experience of fighting the battle for Jane’s life and one focal point being the hospital; and that’s left a major imprint upon my memory. It was, I suppose, simply part of my life. As was Jane. And now she’s not, not for the foreseeable future anyway.

So this afternoon I had my sad moment and then I decided that feeling nostalgic about a hospital was pretty dumb. Actually, allowing nostalgia about anything is not a very good idea. Why would I want to go back to anything that’s in the past? Why revisit yesterday’s battles? And surely, whatever the pleasures of the past, they cannot compare with God’s blessings as I walk into the future. He makes all things new, and my life is daily changing for the better, as I continue to walk with him into whatever he has for me. And the wonderful thing is that despite my failings, and despite the depths of grief that sometimes completely overwhelm, I do have the most wonderful sense of God’s presence. His incredible peace is quite overwhelming, I have no doubts about his favour, and I have no fear for the future whatsoever. My God is with me, of that I am totally convinced, and he will carry me through the challenge of bereavement into a beautiful future.

Romans 8:35 ‘Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?’ (NLT)