21st November

I feel like a real misery. Today’s been so very slow and I still feel down. I’ve never bothered about the weather much as I spent most of my working life using my car as an office, so I got used to the wind and the rain and the snow as well as summer sunshine… whatever, I could live with it. But right now the days are damp and dull and I find them totally uninviting. As is my empty home…

But I am so very blessed that I feel the need to confess the good work of God in my life. I can’t say it enough times that I have 4 special children who are each really good friends not just to me but also to each other. I love to hear about them meeting up together. And my grandchildren always have a smile for me. My wider family have also gone the extra mile in reaching out to me in different caring ways as well. So my health may be impaired but that only slows me down, it doesn’t stop me from doing most things I want or need to. I do have a nice home with a large garden in one of the leafier city suburbs and it is mortgage free. I was never unemployed and worked for 31 years before very early ill health retirement at age 47. But my employers gave me a very nice pension... after a little ‘persuasion’. My car works well, as does my motorhome. I own all the gadgets I’m interested in. I have a really nice guitar with a choice of amplifiers.  I attend a Bible believing church that accepts me as I am, but more than that I value the teaching and their good works as being pretty much spot on. As a former worship leader, corporate worship is very important to me, and they’ve got something very special happening with all the different teams they use.

I have history as well, with a lifetime of wonderful memories. I loved every single day that I was with Jane, and despite the many challenges that we faced, as all do, she made me completely happy. There are many things that we never did together, but there are far more that we did do and for that I am grateful. Our focus was always upon building family at the expense of career with greater financial reward, and I would not have it any other way. I’ve also been privileged to be asked to serve the church in different ways and have many special experiences to look back on. I loved my time building team as a worship leader, and was particularly fulfilled in the pastoral work of leading and for a time supervising house groups. The creative challenge needed in working as a lighting technician, playing as a musician and creating audio special effects in church theatre was great fun as well. We once put up a marquee for several days on a city park where I was able to lead worship as well as rather unrehearsed rock and roll… a nice challenge, and a nice memory. Then I remember being amazed at finding myself being asked to work alongside some very significant Christian preachers who worked on the global stage. Reinhard Bonnke may have preached to congregations of a million or more but I once shared his platform as part of the worship team when he visited Derby. And Derek Prince had to have someone in the back stage ministry team as a member of his support team didn’t he?

So today I feel completely insignificant and side-lined from all responsibility. And it’s easy to see myself as a bit of a loser. But that’s nonsense, what I achieved in years gone past demanded nothing that I could not do today. Indeed with the passing of time and the associated experience of overcoming all manner of difficulties I reckon I’ve learnt a thing or two that could help in any task set before me. The reality is though that true success is not measured by our achievements be they large or small in worldly terms. All that matters is that we do the things that our Father in heaven is asking of us. ‘Yesterday’ he asked me to care for Jane. Today he asks me to care for myself and the recovery I need to make. In due course he will set me to task once again and I will seek to serve in whatever ‘lowly’ or ‘great’, private or public way that he asks of me.

Psalm 51:12 ‘Give me back the joy that comes from being saved by you. Give me a spirit that obeys you. That will keep me going.’ (NIV)