So this just about sums up my life at the moment. And I find that a bit sad. But it’s all I really do, nowadays, just walk and walk all by myself. Of course I see people fairly regularly and I live with my son with whom I get on quite well. Saturdays work well as my daughter and one grandchild often stop by to say hello and teach me how to enjoy chocolate bars. Grandad’s always got a Twix or Kit-Kat in the cupboard for such visits though they’re becoming just a little predictable so maybe Jaffa next week? I only occasionally fancy the things so they last for ages. Fresh fruit is much more fun I reckon, but maybe that’s an age thing.
Ok, so family and friends are great but I still keep thinking about my personal future and what I’m gonna do. I’ve obviously got unfulfilled dreams… haven’t we all? Some of those dreams I might even dare to believe are God inspired as well. Then when I think things through, I can determine a few possible pathways I might walk down; unfortunately for me that’s not enough. I only want to live a life of faith, to make decisions based upon Godly inspiration by recognising the Lord’s call upon my life and in accord with his timing. I firmly believe that the Lord speaks to every single one of us; though most of the time we either don’t recognise or believe that he is speaking, or we ignore him completely, or stubbornly keep asking the same questions time and time again as if he might respond differently.
I suspect I get things wrong quite often but I do try. And I actually believe that as long as we seek the Lord and then respond in an honest and diligent way he will cover over our failings and grant favour. It’s quite rare that in my Christian journey I’ve had to consider a fundamental change of direction. That’s where I’m at right now of course. And I find the guiding hand of the Lord to be clearly pointing in a particular direction. As always I’m impatient and would love to find a shortcut out of here, but nonetheless I am determined to complete my season of mourning. I will grieve for Jane for as long as it takes and that is going to take first place in my life until the Lord leads me on in a new way. I will take no baggage into my future; I’m determined to deal with it all today. Yes that is the word of the Lord for me… grieve well!
Hebrews 3:15 ‘Today when you hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts’ (NLT)
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