12th April 2012

I've had a quiet day today. Child-minding again, a little shopping and a few jobs around the home and that’s about it. I still feel quite exhausted with little stamina, but probably just slightly brighter so that’s good. My grand-daughters are lovely though, and really well behaved; so hot dogs for lunch and Johnny English on DVD sent them home happy again… maybe the steady trickle of chocolate through the day helped as well! Naughty grandad? Anyway, I do feel rather fragile and could easily sink today, but I’m persevering and having been occupied quite constructively for a good few hours I may well survive the day without tears.

I need to keep my focus upon the Lord, and away from the negatives that can so easily take hold. Every time the doubts start shouting, I find as I look within, that there’s a very small place in my heart where perfect peace rules. And as I focus upon that, it grows, softening the harshness of difficult emotions and becoming the dominant force at work in my life. I know that the Lord is bigger than any problem. I just need to reach out to him. Of course I’m still thinking about how to draw closer. Most of the time it’s really easy to just get on with things and basically forget about the Lord all together. Each day unfolds with activity or inactivity, but whatever, there’s always plenty to be thinking about. So how do I reach out to God for more of him in my life?

Somehow I need to give more time, exclusively to the Lord. And the emphasis is upon exclusivity, not necessarily just more time. Distractions surround me all the time; sometimes my own thoughts and emotions, sometimes ill health, but always the pressing business of the day. And then my priorities get confused. I know that spending quality time with God is the most important ingredient in my day, as he can help guide me through whatever pitfalls lie ahead, but it’s never quite that easy. My heart cries out for a closer walk with God and the mind of understanding agrees completely… it’s just so hard to put good intentions into practise. It’s far too easy to become religious and engage with a routine that becomes repetitive and then predictable, ignoring the creative inspiration of the Lord. I’ve read books, listened to countless preaches and even taught on the subject myself, but maintaining freshness in one’s personal devotional life is always a challenge. I still feel totally disorientated having lost my prayer partner, so of course I have an excuse. A good one? Never! My relationship with the Lord should never be dependent upon another person; enhanced maybe, but not dependent for sure. At the moment it’s just me and the Lord and I reckon that’s not a bad thing… for a season.

Matthew 7:13 ’You can enter God’s Kingdom only through the narrow gate. The highway to hell is broad, and its gate is wide for the many who choose that way.’ (NLT)