8th April 2012

Another busy day, though I’ve managed to pace myself fairly well. And it needed to be busy to keep my mind off things. Yes, on this very special day every time I slowed down I thought of Jane. Easter Sunday was always so important to us in our walk with the Lord and in time together as a family. Although it’s been a good day I can’t help but remember how Jane always managed to transform the ordinary into something very special. I’ve shed no tears today, but for sure I could have as I came very close on several occasions. I sat in church this morning and imagined Jane there with me; she always made an extra effort on this day to wear her ‘spring’ clothes and she’d brighten up the dullest day. She loved to buy new outfits for each change of season. I miss having a pretty lady to walk down the street with. I never minded shopping with her either, no matter the time spent outside changing rooms whilst she tried things on. The rewards were well worth it. She was beautiful…

I had a lovely time at my daughters with a great Easter Sunday family meal. But just for a few moments I fought off the tears as I recognised the missing person. Jane. She was always central to every family gathering and more often than not the prime instigator. I’m so pleased my kids are continuing to make the effort to continue so many family traditions. More than that, they all keep in touch with one another all the time. Even today my Loughborough daughter phoned me from Leeds for a lovely chat about her weekend visiting her parents-in-law. But she still let slip that she was missing not being with us all back in Derby.

This afternoon I had the privilege of playing at the church in Kilburn. I chose a Chris Tomlin song from a few years ago, ‘Mighty Is the Power of the Cross’, and it seemed to go down really well. That was fine but after the meeting as I set to work packing my equipment away I suddenly ‘saw’ Jane coiling cables, collapsing my mic stand and putting my guitar into it’s case. And this was after she’d rushed to the front of the queue to fetch me an always welcome coffee! I didn’t ‘need’ her to do any of this, we just worked together in all that we did. Today I just felt really alone and rather sad.

But this day should really be all about Jesus. My photo today is of artwork created by my Loughborough daughter many years ago… so long ago I can’t remember much about it. Anyway the idea is that the only way to meet with God is through the cross of Christ. There’s an apparently unbridgeable chasm separating those who live in spiritual darkness and those who live in the light of God. One thing is absolutely certain, if I’m ever to meet with Jane again it can only be through the person of Jesus Christ. Today she lives with God in heaven and the only way I can ever get there myself is by giving my life, the whole of my life to him. More than that, my ongoing focus should not be upon meeting up with Jane again. No matter the cry of my heart. The only focus I should have is upon the Lord and his plans for my life today. Looking at the hope of eternity is always inspiring but by definition somewhat disconnected from the reality of day to day living. The relationships of today, the activity and purpose of today is where the real action is. So now I strive to live in the present purpose of God, so that one day I will enjoy his eternal presence and purpose.

1 John 4:15-16 ^‘All who confess that Jesus is the Son of God have God living in them, and they live in God. We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.’ (NLT)