7th April 2012

I’m not enjoying being at home at all. Too many outstanding jobs, too many reminders of Jane and no way of escaping from the pressure. There’s no chance of seeing an improvement in my health living like this. But I’ve spent much of the day repacking my motorhome after a thorough clean, and it’s all ready to go again. My photo is of the pitch I had last week in Martin Mill, near Dover. Unless I get inspired in another direction, I reckon I’ll just go back down there as soon as the kids are back at school. I can cope with looking after myself quite nicely when there’s no work to hassle and camping is wonderfully peaceful. The comfort of a home from home helps enormously, I’m always warm, always dry and I take all my ‘toys’ to keep me entertained. Be nice if the sunny weather returned but that’s not a major factor. I need space to recover.

I suppose really I’m just not adapting very well to being single. I don’t like it. It doesn’t suit me at all. 40 years of caring and sharing takes some shaking off. My life is filled with so many good things happening all the time, yet with no one to talk to it just feels empty. If I’m not careful I could simply see the coming days and years as a burden to be endured rather than embraced with enthusiasm. And that’s totally wrong. Every day has intrinsic value and God purpose to be fulfilled. Yet sometimes all I can see is my eternal destiny, a future life with the Lord and with Jane. And whilst that may encourage perseverance, that’s just not a right way to live all the time. God has a plan for my life today as well as tomorrow. Whilst I was away last week I drew close to the Lord in a very special way, yet as soon as I returned I lost sight of him and became more distant again. That’s not good either. For sure, the answer to my every problem and my every need is ultimately to be found in my walk with God.

Tomorrow should be a good day, Easter Sunday, a celebration of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. The greatest gift God could ever give… death itself has been conquered and the new life to be found in Christ is there for each one of us. That’s exactly what I need, a rebirth, a new start in life, a change of direction with fresh hope and a change for the better. It may not feel like my life is changing for the better, but I do have confidence that the Lord is working for good and his favour is towards me. I need to see things differently, that’s all. Yes, all is well. So then, tomorrow I have a great church meeting in the morning to enjoy. Then my eldest daughter has invited me around for lunch, that’ll be good. And I’ve been asked to perform a song in the Kilburn Church meeting in the evening, so I’ve been trying to find then learn a ‘new’ one. I enjoy doing that, though to be honest I’m always amazed that anyone should ask me to do such a thing. Anyway, all of that should distract from my misery for another day…

Philippians 4:4-8 ^‘Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice! Let everyone see that you are considerate in all you do. Remember, the Lord is coming soon. Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honourable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.’ (NLT)