12th June 2012

When our kids fell and hurt themselves we’d bandage their wounds, and then hug until it didn’t hurt anymore. As often as not we’d distract with a treat. So at the end of 2006 Jane had her first major op with subsequent urgent phone call from her surgeon explaining a cancer problem. Within days she was engaging with radiotherapy, so for sure that was a pretty big fall and Jane needed a real treat to distract. At the first opportunity we headed for the Costa Brava, and as it was out of season that worked well for us. We had a great time and after the pretty horrid treatment Jane had endured, life felt good once again. So then being new to the cancer journey, with no idea of what was ahead, we were ready to put the whole ordeal well and truly behind us. Jane was brilliant at coping with difficulty and then moving on. I could do with her help and inspiration right now…

Yes I’m feeling a little low. I’ve not had the easiest of days either, having spent time decorating and gardening. Both activities that I shared with Jane, so I can’t help but remember the times we’d work until the early hours when we were young. That was often the only way when raising children. And I took Jane’s mum out to her old folks meeting this morning; of course she ended up crying again about Jane, though this time she also started talking about Jane’s dad, who died some 30 years ago. All very sad. As was a visit from my parents with a reminder of happier times in a video from the early 2000’s.

I need to get away again, I suppose. Maybe I need a treat, but right now no treat I can imagine means anything much. And I do keep getting a glimpse of a new way of living that is not totally unattractive. I never asked for it, I never wanted it but the thought of being completely independent as a single person certainly has advantages… I’d still rather be married though.

Psalm 147:3 ^‘He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. (NLT)