18th June 2012

Sometimes life is sad. It just is. And that’s how I feel today. Tired and very sad, as though simply getting through the day is a real effort. I almost can’t be bothered. Almost. But I do, and I will persevere as no matter the depths of grief, I cannot deny the hope that always burns deep within my heart. Some days it’s hidden a little deeper than others. Like today. But always there. Though in reality all I have is hope, as nothing clear is set before me. I keep thinking my active life is coming to an end. No not my actual life, I see no reason not to expect a few more decades ahead of me. I want to work again though, I hate being ill, it seems such a waste of time. I spent an hour or so decorating today and ended up completely exhausted. That is so frustrating. I just want to be normal again. I love to work; I really have had enough of resting the days away. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is rubbish!

Oh Lord, help me to be patient, forgive me for complaining; help me to persevere with all that you, and only you set before me. Thankyou for the good things you do bless me with day by day. Thank you for my lovely children, the encouragement of my sons-in law and the delight that grandchildren bring. But my God will you heal me? Set me to task once again, I want to make music, I want to care for the needy and share the reality of your goodness with all that cross my path. Fill my heart, fill my life with your love, I want to help build your church, I want to find that special place of belonging once again. Show me a way forward, please Lord, and let your Kingdom come, let your will be done in my life as in heaven…

John 14:13 ^‘You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it’ (NLT)