Saturday, March 03, 2012

3rd March 2012

I guess I’m rather stressed out at the moment. And it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work that one out. In so many ways my life is same old same old, which is perfectly illustrated by my choosing a bird picture for the third day on the run. But I’m not attempting to create a photo sharing website, just trying to flesh out the reality of my daily journey. Yes the highlight of the day was my walk around Kedleston, and once again as I approached the lakeside the flock of quietly resting birds dutifully took to the air to escape the ‘Dave threat’! I almost felt guilty, though at the weekend they must do this multiple times with a steady stream of visitors. I certainly feel a little envious of their freedom to simply fly away when threatened. I’d love to be able to work that one out. But how can I escape the pain of bereavement and the distorted life caused by my long term ill health?

This afternoon as I was taking pictures of these birds I suddenly had to deal with quite severe chest pains. On and off I’ve suffered this problem all of my adult and even teenage life. Sometimes I can go years without any problem, but when stressed for an extended time it seems to affect me. At times I was unable to walk or breathe deeply it got so bad and I remember maybe 20 years ago having a particularly bad episode, with the severest and very sharp pain around my heart. Around midnight I set to tidying up my business accounts and then drove myself to hospital leaving Jane with our young children. Daft I know but that’s what I did! They wired me up to a machine and left me to it for half an hour. I lay there thinking my time was up with continuing pain, and pins and needles down both arms. I could hardly move with a particularly severe attack at one point. Anyway the doctor eventually surfaced to look through the monitored results with simple diagnosis of a viral infection around my heart. ‘Take two paracetamol and go home’ was the challenging but wonderfully releasing verdict… I had no more chest pains for many years! I persevered with my 3 mile walk today and it got slightly better, but my self-diagnosis thinks it’s just part of dealing with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, something to do with ‘nerve memory’. A day or two ago my ankle was hurting reminding me of a damaged tendon injury caused when playing badminton 30 years ago and long since healed. Today’s pain was quite debilitating, but felt very similar to the frozen shoulder I suffered from for quite a few years, though again that was completely healed. I can do without this sort of problem but unless it continues I’ll avoid seeing a doctor.

Whilst I was walking I listened to BBC Radio’s ‘Soul Music’, an episode covering the ‘Hallelujah Chorus’ from Handel’s Messiah. I’m certainly not normally that engaged with such classics, but today I found it really moving as they read portions of scripture connected with the music. Then they discussed the ‘Flash Mob’ choir thing that has now happened quite a few times over the years… so you’ll find for example Hallelujah Chorus Flash Mob at Brent Cross Shopping Centre at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bR8z6NYmdXI. I’m not sure if this was the actual event they discussed but apparently ordinary shoppers were happily joining in the singing which left many in tears after the event. I sometimes wonder about the folk I pass on my walk as I usually just allow the tears to flow quite freely and let them think what they will. So today I found myself thinking of the worship in heaven and if this is just a ‘poor reflection’ I can’t wait to take my place there. Yes I will persevere with my drive to recover health and fitness and I am determined to live a long life, but I have no fear of death and when my time comes I will embrace that future with the greatest enthusiasm. I just want to live with Jesus, and Jane, and so many other saints who’ve gone before me. In the meantime I’ll live with one of life’s greatest experiences – Godly worship. And that’s for sure the best way of ‘escaping’ any threat that comes my way.

Revelation 19:16 ‘KING OF KINGS, AND LORD OF LORDS.’ (KJV)

No comments: