Thursday, July 19, 2012

Choosing Priorities

Deciding to the ‘right’ thing can sometimes cost us something. Ok I’ve been on holiday and here’s one of my more traditional holiday snaps of my parents, eldest sister and hubby. All my siblings are actually younger than me. And I’m the guy with a pole sticking out of his head! If you’re gonna lose all street cred and share family photos let’s do it properly… but hey it was a self-timer from a nearby table. Yes I really, really needed a break and for most of the time it worked really well. Just resting by myself, doing very little, ignoring my watch and letting each day take care of itself. I’ve watched a couple of dozen episodes of West Wing, done proper cooking most days and walked round and round Deal pretty much every lunchtime. But then about this time last week I took ill with Chronic Fatigue and everything ground to a halt. So frustrating! And I can’t really see that I did anything wrong with over activity which forces a relapse; it just seems to cycle round every couple of weeks anyway. The headaches and severe fatigue dominate, and then I begin to feel a little low. I had company over the weekend with the aforesaid family and another couple of sisters and husbands as well. Quite a party, though a particularly rainy experience. But I paid the price and did the right thing by stepping away from opportunities to eat out and socialise with long days. Yes, I limited my family activity to a couple of hours or so each day and then retired to my campsite and lots and lots of private space. I needed to for sure as come Monday, my initial choice of returning home, I was still too ill to drive and had to stay another couple of days. It’s so weird how some days I can walk a couple of miles whereas others I can barely function at all. I hate Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

Slowing my blog writing productivity has also been the right thing to do. I’ve been writing primarily as a way of processing my bereavement journey, whilst hopefully encouraging a few others to persevere through the ups and downs of emotional trauma. The daily journal of my ongoing life experience has kept me sane. Sort of. And I’ve certainly not completed my journey of recovery into wholeness though I’m on the way. But I’ve decided that my health has to be prioritised, so when I feel particularly ill I’m gonna reduce the time I sit at my laptop.

Luke 10:27 ‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind. And, love your neighbour as yourself. (NLT)

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