Tuesday, September 18, 2012

A New Beginning

When opportunity presents itself, sometimes you just have to go for it. Who wants to remain stuck in the past forever? Like my keyboard skills are almost non-existent compared with guitar, yes I understand basic music theory but that’s about it. Some time ago I was presented with a very usable instrument, but unfortunately found my life filled with more pressing needs when looking after Jane. Anyway this week I started again with ‘Merrily We Roll Along’ and suchlike, and felt like a bungling musical amateur. Very humbling, considering a substantial history of playing guitar in public as a worship leader. Ask me to play my new instrument on stage and I suppose I’d ‘recognise’ a call to go live abroad somewhere far, far away! But playing in my front room is a totally different story. It was great fun, almost laugh out loud with the rather corny accompaniment, and made me feel happy. I need to engage the new. It’s the right thing to do.

I also feel as though my health difficulty with me/cfs is on the change after many years of straightforward predictability. In some ways I feel much better, though unfortunately at the same time and in different ways I feel much worse. So in myself, a sense of overall wellbeing is slowly growing, perhaps allied to walking through bereavement rather than remaining trapped. Yes the initial shock is beginning to wear off. So that’s good as I’m beginning to embrace a real enthusiasm for life again. The main problem is fatigue, lack of stamina and a few other symptoms like pain, adopting a whole new level of disablement; but nonetheless I feel well encouraged. Who knows, maybe it’s having a final fling and I really am on the mend. I need to be for sure, I have stuff to do! Yes I’m ready to step through the doorway into good health and resume normal life asap. Losing my wife is challenge enough, I’m all done with sickness… I don’t need it, who does?

Early this evening I spent some time with my 12 year old grand-daughter. She’s very special, and I guess we must be getting along quite well as she’s started visiting me, once a week, rather than spending time alone after school. But today she shared some stuff about her life, a very real privilege, and eventually I passed comment that I was now single and eligible to start dating. Then out of her mouth came wisdom beyond her years… don’t do it Grandad, you’ll never find anyone as nice as Nana! She could well be right about that, so now I have an opportunity to embrace being single, pursuing God and God purpose without distraction. It’s quite hard accepting the thought that I might never again enjoy the really close friendship that only marriage can provide. But unless the Lord puts such opportunity right in front of me I cannot conceive of going looking for it. Yes I want to learn to enjoy being single though I suspect it might be easier learning to play keyboard.

Late Amendment… immediately after writing this, a guy at my church asked me to think about joining a small team visiting Africa next year. I really should be more careful about writing ‘just go for it!’

Revelation 3:8 ‘I know all the things you do, and I have opened a door for you that no one can close. You have little strength, yet you obeyed my word and did not deny me.’ (NLT)


Fiona said...

Also be careful about saying "What next?" 'cause God has a habit of finding stuff for bored kids...which I've experienced enough times. Sometimes its the spiritual equivalent of cleaning our rooms, or something rather more exciting. Think it over. Pray into it :-)

Wonder if you saw this today? http://uk.lifestyle.yahoo.com/two-viruses-not-linked-cfs-144228898.html. I'm sure you're thinking the same as me - how much did they get paid to tell us something which you, as a sufferer, could have told them for free?

David Paine said...

Thanks... I wasn't aware of that trial or results, and yes I'm not surprised. Until there are more serious resources applied to this condition, I'm not holding my breath waiting for science to provide answers. But I am trusting God to long-term heal or at least short-term strengthen to do everything he asks of me. Nothing less. He's great!