Monday, September 03, 2012

Stop the Train I Want To Get Off

Sometimes the unexpected comes along. So yes, I had ‘fun’ on a train today, though truth be told I could have done without it. No big problem, just hassle. And anyway I’ve been having a really enjoyable time whilst on holiday in Deal, a little busy but that’s ok. I can rest at home; I’m here to meet with the Lord and engage with whatever he sets before me. I met my friends over the weekend, a big party to say goodbye as they’re leaving to go retire in France. Thoroughly enjoyed myself, so I’ll probably meet up with some other folk later this week. And it looks like Jane’s mum has had a successful partial hip replacement so I feel comfortable staying away now. At 98 it’s a big deal, but she’s so confused that when my daughter visited she couldn’t remember having the operation and talked as if she still needed one.

Today I felt tired and chose not to drive anywhere; instead I took the train for the very short journey into Dover and a nice relaxing walk around the town and seafront. No problem until the return journey, and when the train stopped at my station in Martin Mill neither of my carriage doors would open! I scurried along, rushing towards the next coach just as the train departed carrying one rather unwilling passenger. No way off for Dave today. Sitting waiting at the next station for an hour until the return train arrived was not my idea of fun. But I persuaded my phone to generate a wi-fi hot spot and my Nexus Tablet quickly downloaded my latest half read e-book, so time passed quite enjoyably. I find new technologies to be fascinating. Solving the problem of an extended train journey was easy, although a little stressful when I’m not a well person. Why can’t staff offer up even a little apology? He even suggested that only drunkards failed to operate the doors! Two big buttons, close/open so not exactly complicated. Grrr! Then I was concerned about the return journey without a valid ticket… I sort of hid from the attendant whilst keeping her in sight in case more doors failed. No way am I buying another one, even though only a couple of pounds. Would have been easier to drive.

My journey of grief as I persevere in bereavement could do with such a straightforward resolution. I sure don't want to miss the stop on that one. It’s been over 15 months since I lost Jane and that’s been the longest and most challenging period of my life. At least I can see a way forward and feel massively different from last year. Yes, I still get upset and some days are more difficult than others; but fundamentally I feel much better. More in control emotionally, comfortable with who I am and where I’m at. I’ll be wearing L plates as a single for some time yet, but that’s ok I’m in no rush to make big decisions. God will guide my steps. The same with my much longer journey with illness… I have total confidence in the Lord’s ability to either heal or pour out his grace for as long as is needed. It helps if I can avoid stress though! Stop those trains I really want to get off, please Lord.

2 Corinthians 6:2 ‘For God says, “At just the right time, I heard you. On the day of salvation, I helped you.” Indeed the “right time” is now. Today is the day of salvation.’ (NLT)

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