Friday, August 31, 2012

The Grace of God

Some days are really just too much. But somehow I have to carry on, climbing the impossible mountain, carrying the impossible burden. And yes, there are always those who have so much more to cope with, and do so with limitless enthusiasm; so I attempt to put on a brave face and show the world that all is well. Which it is, I know, because I walk with Christ. But despite the implications of such truth, and despite the unshakeable faith in my ultimate destination of heaven, some days my mind and body cry out in anguish at the ongoing struggle. I need a break, brief respite from ‘normal life’. In some ways I’ve had an absolutely wonderful couple of days, yet at the same time the challenge has been almost too much. I spent a few hours yesterday child-minding my eldest grand-daughters. They’re the ones in my picture, though that was taken 8 years ago. I’ll come back to that. And anyway, they’ve grown up a bit now. Well truth be told they didn’t visit to be looked after, but rather to look after me! A week ago, they offered to help by cleaning inside my car, simply as a favour. With mum’s permission I topped up their depleted pocket money… and struck gold! So now it’s been 3 visits in a week and they work incredibly hard, dusting, polishing, cleaning windows and even emptying kitchen cupboards to clean and sort out. I get a real bargain and a very clean house; they learn new skills, get Minecraft Apps on their iPods, and everybody’s happy. It’s been a great summer with my grandkids, I’ve enjoyed their beautiful friendship on and off all summer.

So yesterday was wonderful… and absolute rubbish at the same time. Jane’s mum fell and broke her hip. She’s 98, very frail and suffering from memory loss. She remains quite disorientated, especially having had to move home a couple of times since Jane died. We were her primary carers, and she lived with us for 14 years until palliative care for Jane demanded use of the groundfloor bedsit, and Jane’s elder sister took on responsibility. So I ended up with a hospital visit to check up and pray with her. Today she successfully had some sort of partial hip replacement but I can’t imagine the sheltered housing she’s just getting used to will work anymore. I feel so sorry for her. But no way could I provide end of life care for two in a row.

Ok, today – Friday - I drove 214 miles back down to Deal. Some friends of mine are moving to live in France; so an invite to their leaving do was an excuse to travel. I had a very pleasant journey down and felt quite good all the way, especially as I’ve found a way of dealing with the empty passenger seat. I pray. A lot! It’s great, and a perfect way of moving on from the uncountable conversations I enjoyed with Jane over 40 years of driving together. I used to love working stuff out with her on long journeys. But there you go, the Lord is certainly rather more than just good company for sure. I’m now pitched within a few yards of where my photo was taken all those years ago, which brings to mind memories of so many holidays with our children. On occasion we’d find a way of transporting and accommodating not just our own 4 kids but a couple of their friends as well. That was in our caravanning days admittedly. Tents can be hard work with small kids. But I loved it all. Whatever. Have to admit my motorhome is much easier nowadays… no wandering across pitch black sites, visiting the loo in the middle of the night for me. And an on-board shower is an unimaginable luxury way back in the early days.

After a couple of hours resting from my journey I decided to take the evening air and take a short walk across the site. As I wandered through the tenting fields I began to feel horribly alone. Lots of young couples, kids having water fights, the occasional BBQ and all the rest of it. It was just too much. I normally travel outside of school holidays when sites are fairly empty. Then fatigue kicked in. Back at the van I collapsed with exhaustion; dizziness disorientated and chronic tinnitus turned up it’s annoying volume. But hey, a relaxing hour on the bench, headphones and my iPod to deal with the whistling and I soon feel much better. It’s warm enough to feel ok about a salad for my evening meal, so now I’m totally organised and God is so very good to me. Tomorrow’s a new day, and anything can happen then. I’m just gonna expect the good stuff and leave the Lord to deal with the rest… like the prehistoric data speeds on my phone in the middle of the countryside. Takes well over an hour to transfer this single post!

Psalm 136:23 ‘He remembered us in our weakness. His faithful love endures forever’ (NLT)


CSIMIN said...

Dear Respected Man of God,David Paine, Holy Greetings to you from India Christ Our Lord.

I am Pastor from India.

I Read Your Writings and Sermons, Really they are Wonderful and Informative and very useful to Our Ministries.

When I am Searching for Some Particular Study material for The Trainee Pastors , I found Your Site.

Can I Use Some your Writings for Our Gospel Ministries?

If it is God's Will, Please Expand your Missions to India through Our Ministries.

We Pray for You, Please Pray for Our ministries.

In Christ Alone

David Paine said...

Hi... and thank you for your encouragement. Of course, if you feel my journal could help your work feel free to share. May the God of heaven build his church through you in India.

David Paine