Sunday, August 05, 2012

Taking the Rough with the Smooth

Life can’t always be a bed of roses. And maybe how we walk through our difficulties is more important than simply looking for a good time. Mind you both can be a test of character. But it’s rare that we get that much control over our surroundings, so for me it’s more to do with how we see things, making a choice to see the good in life. No matter the apparent reality set before us. Yes before now I’ve taken the trouble to drive all the way to the French Atlantic coast, only to sit in my motorhome waiting for the wind and the rain to ease. Just like the UK. Only I drove on the ‘wrong’ side of the road and had to use my non-existent schoolboy French, which kind of made it great fun! So my rather unattractive photo today was taken a couple of weeks ago on a thoroughly enjoyable walk with my grandkids. This was taken with almost maximum zoom, but pan 90° I was alongside Black Rocks beauty spot with the two young girls clambering ever upwards, peering over surrounding woodland. So aside from a snap to provide a blog talking point it really wasn’t that difficult to ignore the dismantling of a nearby hillside. Until the warning siren started and the ground shook as explosions rumbled across the valley!

These past few months have become increasingly challenging. I’m suffering the worst bout of ill health ever, Chronic Fatigue related of course. And I’ve just about given up hope of controlling my emotions ever again. Yes I’m missing Jane, and too regularly allowing myself the dubious reward of feeling sorry for myself as well. No glossing over loneliness, joblessness and ok, complete brokenness for me. Every Olympic Gold our country’s incredible athletes are currently winning leaves me sobbing with grief. Celebrating such triumph is so very hard when I can no longer share it with my always enthusiastic wife. I’m no longer the man I once was. But I will be…

The Lord gave me a wife for a reason, to make me whole, complete. In every way. Now she’s gone, and I have no reasonable expectation of ever finding such love again. So I need to focus my attention more upon the Lord. He can make me whole in a way that no wife ever could. His encouragement is all I seek. His pleasure is my pleasure, his provision makes complete and his presence fills all emptiness. To follow him all of my days is my greatest reward, and where he takes me and who I walk with is in his complete control. Not mine. So do I see myself as a loser? No way! I may be in a battle with some stuff today, but that’s all relative. Many are far worse off. Especially those who have yet to meet with the Lord Jesus, to enjoy a personal relationship with God himself. So I’m gonna keep on walking with him, and keep on praying and hoping for a change in my heart that will bring a release from the hold that grief still has upon me. It’s time to move on, Jane has. Now it’s my turn.

Philippians 3:13-14 ‘ but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race’ (NLT)

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