Monday, August 27, 2012

A Different Perspective

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. So the saying goes anyway, and this little fellow is surely a prime example. I reckon it looks rather splendid, and for many who come across it I guess thoughts would move rapidly towards next Christmas. Yes, turkey and cranberry sauce with a choice of at least half a dozen different veg and all the rest of it sounds distinctly mouth-watering. Or does it? I’ve been quite strictly vegetarian for several years now and have absolutely no inclination to change. Strange how the Lord so very gently touched my heart to leave behind a lifetime of Christmas dinners! I try and rationalise that decision as being connected with Jane’s cancer journey, as is my aim to eat organic; but truth be told I just want to honour the Lord. So until he say’s something different I’ll just keep going. I don’t miss it one bit. Very similar to my decision to grow my hair long, after decades of a simple number 2 razor cut I now feel like a rather aged hippy. Yes of course I was once the real thing but that was decades ago. I now prefer to dress smartly and a rather ragged appearance doesn’t totally work for me. But there you go, I will honour the Lord and trust him to speak again on the subject as and when… or not! Right then, nearly forgot about the turkey, a splendid beast isn’t it? Unless you are my ten year old grand-daughter; and then you cringe at the sight of it’s most peculiar and brightly coloured neck. A bit like it’s insides are on the outside. Soon afterwards we explored a museum exhibit of an early 19th century kitchen, complete with larder storing half a pig and sundry dead birds hanging from meat hooks. Suddenly becoming a vegetarian briefly held quite some appeal to said young child!

My life was once so very beautiful. In my eyes anyway. A wonderful wife and family and plenty to keep me busy. Today my wife has left to go live in heaven and my girls have left to go live with husbands. I feel rather lost and have plenty of time on my hands. Health restricts activity in the workplace but never inclination. I suppose I’m still in recovery after the years of trauma dealing with Jane’s cancer journey, but nonetheless my life currently feels rather empty and somewhat lacking. No wife or family at home. Just me and my adult son. No job and no church leadership role either. So is that a valid judgement, a healthy perspective of where I’m at? It may reflect some sort of reality, but it is for sure not how I want to see myself. I need to keep my eyes fixed upon the Lord, catch sight of his plans for my future, reach out into potential change and basically walk away from emptiness into new fulfilment. Something has to change, I can’t remain stationary for much longer, I’ll have to make a move. Yes, my present is very different from the past. And I’m determined that it must be very different from my future.

1 Samuel 16:7 ‘The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart’ (NLT)

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