Thursday, October 04, 2012

All Things New

Clinging to the past is not usually a very good idea. Unless maybe you own a classic car like this! It’s an Austin 7 built somewhere around the 1920-30’s and looks like great fun; and I once spoke to an owner who was quite happy driving to France in the thing. But this particular vehicle was simply towed by a fairly new motorhome, on a trailer, which made much more sense to me. So for short runs and rallies I can certainly see the attraction of owning one. Well, ignoring the specialised challenge of parts supply, they must be simpler for amateur maintenance than any modern car with countless sensors driving computer technology. And this one would be worth a few quid as well, but given the socio-economic mobility demands of modern life I’d suggest not so practical today, even though perfect when new.

My life was once almost perfect. Or at least parts of it were; specifically my home life and health. Work was more challenging, but that’s not too unusual is it? Having the security of a wonderful wife and family to return to, no matter what the world outside threw at me meant everything. Being able to share every concern, then prayerfully resolve any issue was a privilege I now miss enormously. It still feels weird, almost wrong, making even the smallest of decisions without getting Jane’s input. I’m just not used to only pleasing myself. I don’t like it. But the real question is about how I see my future unfolding. Can it ever be as ‘good’ as my past? I loved being married to Jane, as without doubt she was a gift from God to me, and getting my head around being single is still tough. But increasingly I am convinced that marriage for marriage’s sake is not at all what I want. Should the ‘impossible’ occur and I meet another soul mate, then I’m sure that’s a way of life I’ll embrace wholeheartedly. But in the meantime I aim to embrace being single, I must learn to enjoy my unasked for independence and explore a new freedom serving the Lord with no questions asked. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll find myself in a position where marriage really would not fit my new way of life. A bit like an Austin 7 with a top speed of 50mph, driving a couple of hundred miles down the M1… my romantic heart says go for the classic car, enjoy the journey, it’s an end in itself, even if you have to take a couple of days! My ambitious heart reaches for a big engine vehicle designed for today, bespoke sat-nav, bluetooth, auto-parking and all the rest of it. Yes, I reckon I may well be able to get places I never dreamt of before. For sure I don’t want more of the same, no matter how wonderful it was.

Did I somehow just liken Jane to an Austin 7? Oops, I’ll cop for that when she finds out; there goes my double-chocolate black forest gateau at my reception party in heaven!

Isaiah 43:18-19 ‘But forget all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do something new.’ (NLT)

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