Clinging to the past is not
usually a very good idea. Unless maybe you own a classic car like this! It’s an
Austin 7 built somewhere around the 1920-30’s and looks like great fun; and I once
spoke to an owner who was quite happy driving to France in the thing. But this
particular vehicle was simply towed by a fairly new motorhome, on a trailer,
which made much more sense to me. So for short runs and rallies I can certainly
see the attraction of owning one. Well, ignoring the specialised challenge of
parts supply, they must be simpler for amateur maintenance than any modern car
with countless sensors driving computer technology. And this one would be worth
a few quid as well, but given the socio-economic mobility demands of modern
life I’d suggest not so practical today, even though perfect when new.
My life was once almost perfect.
Or at least parts of it were; specifically my home life and health. Work was
more challenging, but that’s not too unusual is it? Having the security of a
wonderful wife and family to return to, no matter what the world outside threw
at me meant everything. Being able to share every concern, then prayerfully
resolve any issue was a privilege I now miss enormously. It still feels weird,
almost wrong, making even the smallest of decisions without getting Jane’s input.
I’m just not used to only pleasing myself. I don’t like it. But the real
question is about how I see my future unfolding. Can it ever be as ‘good’ as my
past? I loved being married to Jane, as without doubt she was a gift from God
to me, and getting my head around being single is still tough. But increasingly
I am convinced that marriage for marriage’s sake is not at all what I want.
Should the ‘impossible’ occur and I meet another soul mate, then I’m sure that’s
a way of life I’ll embrace wholeheartedly. But in the meantime I aim to embrace
being single, I must learn to enjoy my unasked for independence and explore a new
freedom serving the Lord with no questions asked. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll
find myself in a position where marriage really would not fit my new way of
life. A bit like an Austin 7 with a top speed of 50mph, driving a couple of
hundred miles down the M1… my romantic heart says go for the classic car, enjoy
the journey, it’s an end in itself, even if you have to take a couple of days! My
ambitious heart reaches for a big engine vehicle designed for today, bespoke
sat-nav, bluetooth, auto-parking and all the rest of it. Yes, I reckon I may
well be able to get places I never dreamt of before. For sure I don’t want more
of the same, no matter how wonderful it was.
Did I somehow just liken Jane
to an Austin 7? Oops, I’ll cop for that when she finds out; there goes my
double-chocolate black forest gateau at my reception party in heaven!
Isaiah 43:18-19 ‘But forget
all that— it is nothing compared to what I am going to do. For I am about to do
something new.’ (NLT)
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