15th June

Life doesn’t get any easier. Of course I’m impatient I know, but I feel quite miserable at the moment and long to engage with activity that builds towards my new life rather than just untangling the old. At the moment I’m still sorting out my house, although I’m completely avoiding Jane’s possessions which are mostly out of sight now. But it’s reached the stage where I’ll be looking through her personal filing system to make sure nothing needs early attention and that won’t be much fun.

Somewhere down the line, probably sooner rather than later I’m going to have to get out of the house and meet some new people. I don’t really enjoy being on my own all the time, although I know I’ll have to get used to it to some extent, but I do enjoy meeting new people. Everyone has a story, a life story, and most people like to talk about themselves. I like to listen. And talk about myself sometimes as well! So I’ve been wondering how to go about this new adventure. Obviously one of the best ways is in the workplace, but I’m not well enough to consider that at the moment. Ministry groups at church are great for getting to know people at least a little, and then I’m wondering if some sort of night/day class learning something new would work in September. But what sort of class? I already have all the I.T. skills I’m likely to need but maybe improving a foreign language would be handy, or some sort of art class maybe drawing or watercolours or possible photography? I have a daughter who teaches a drawing class in Loughborough and it sounds like they’re usually a nice and friendly group. I’d have to practice a bit before finding one in Derby though. I used to love playing in a badminton club but those days are long gone.

I’m still trying to get my head around going on holiday alone. I’ve been working on my motorhome and find it quite distressing just being in it. This was our special place where we had so many wonderful times, just the two of us. I know I’ll try it fairly soon but I’m not really looking forward to it even though a holiday on a campsite in the countryside is my idea of heaven…

One possibility is to explore the world of singles holidays for the older traveller where there may possibly be others in a similar situation, but that feels a little daunting. One of the biggest challenges in relating to other people is the fact that just about everyone I know is married and it’s so painful being made aware of what I’ve lost. And for those couples somewhat older than me it hurts even more knowing that should I grow old it’ll be without Jane.

Genesis 2:18 ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.’ (NLT)