23rd June

I suppose I’ve been overdue for the only to be expected low day having had quite a few relatively good days. So today I’m back feeling grotty again and that’s not much fun, nor is it a good idea.  Because actually there is a world of difference between grief and depression, the first being a Godly means of processing loss and the latter simply giving in to the poor old me thing. And I’m not a ‘poor old me’ at all, I have no right to see myself as hard done to, a no hoper and really no reason to feel so low. The Lord is with me and he is for me and my future is secure, it’s only when I take my eyes off him that the problems start. Focussing too closely upon me and my problems is basically unhealthy as the challenges I’m facing become the centre of attention and molehills become mountains. Is the solution to life’s concerns to be found in worry and introspection or by reaching out in faith to the creator of the universe, the author of life itself?

So when I do consider my situation what do I see? I keep coming back to thinking about my identity and as I approach my 60^th year upon planet earth I have to ask the question, how do I see myself, who am I? I spent about 30 years working in the insurance world… ‘Dave the Financial Adviser’ is that who I am? I’ve enjoyed playing guitar for over 46 years… ‘Dave the guitar-man’ is that who I am? I gave my life to Jesus over 29 years ago… ‘Dave the born-again Christian is that who I am? Over the years I’ve repaired many cars, built and fitted kitchens, repaired house plumbing and electrics and even built a small loft conversion although none of it’s been quite right… ‘Dave the DIY bodger’ is that who I am? I’ve helped raise four well balanced, polite, caring, respectful, honest children… ’Dave the dad and grand-dad’ is that who I am?

Actually all the above, and much more, at least in season is who I’ve been and maybe who I am now in some way. But more than all of these things there is one area of my life that I really do see myself as not just being totally successful but completely fulfilled and has definitely been the most significant part of my life to date. ‘Dave the husband’ that is who I am… or was.

And now I simply feel lost and don’t know who I am anymore… but I do know someone who does know everything there is to know about my past, present and future.

Psalm 139:16 ‘You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.’ (NLT)