26th June

Now obviously I’m on a bit of a rollercoaster ride of the emotions at the moment, but nonetheless I believe I’ve turned some sort of a corner today. For a start I felt completely in control of my emotions until just after mid-day, when walking back to my car after church the tears began to salt up my glasses once more. And that’s a new record! It helps that God is speaking… it’s hard to put into words but something in my spirit says that there is a powerful reason for Jane leaving me so early in life. Ultimately it is always for God’s glory and because of his goodness he always works for good in those who love him… but he showed me that he called Jane home early for a specific reason and specific purpose not just an abstract concept designed to test our faith. Although I can’t define that in a meaningful way I understand now that it was absolutely the right thing for her to leave me prematurely. I guess though that It’ll only be when I meet the Lord face to face that I’ll fully understand, but in the meantime I’m grateful for the measure of understanding that he is giving me.

Sometimes I find the Christian faith journey defies logic, it doesn’t make sense in any rational way. We live a spiritual life which by definition is other worldly; the Kingdom of God turns many ‘natural’ principles on their head… ‘Love your enemies as yourself’, ‘If anyone would be first he must be last’, ‘And God said let there be light and there was light’ etc. The power of the spoken word, God’s word, is unimaginable. The power of prayer to reach out to the creator of the universe and to know he always answers favourably is the most wonderful gift of God to all of mankind. I spent years praying for Jane’s healing, as did many others and we travelled thousands of miles seeking the word of God and the anointed healing presence of the Lord… and still she died. Does that negate the power of prayer? No way!  I shall continue to pray for the sick and would not be even remotely surprised to be used by the Lord to pray for the terminally ill and see them healed. There are so many broken people suffering with sickness who do not know how to pray and I certainly understand the suffering caused by ill health. Just because the Lord chooses not to answer prayer the way we would for one person does not mean we should not pray exactly the same prayer for others and witness the miraculous. Wouldn’t that be cool!

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 ‘That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.’ (NLT)