30th December

I would have been better off in Samoa today. They skipped Friday altogether and it’s been such a struggle I sort of wish I could have done the same. I had over 9 hours sleep last night, after purposefully staying up a little later than normal to make sure I slept, and the first I knew of the new day it was almost 10am. I woke up, as always totally shattered but also suffering a blinding headache. Despite painkillers I’ve not managed to shift it all day which is not part of the plan at all. What do I have to do to control this wretched illness called Chronic Fatigue Syndrome? I remember thinking a few days ago that it’d been quite a while since I had a bad headache and maybe I was getting past them…

So then today charted it’s own course; I had no option other than to make it one of complete rest. That’s what I told myself as I cleaned out the cat litter, fed and watered him for the new day, vacuumed the lounge, emptied the dishwasher, wiped down the kitchen worktop and sorted out yesterday’s recycling of cardboard, plastic, glass and metal. I skipped the general waste bin deciding it would last another day! So it was around 2.30pm before I realised I’d not had my first coffee of the day. Life was so different when Jane was around. For many years she basically ‘refused’ to get out of bed before her first cup of tea. Very occasionally she would have a short run of doing the deed but generally I made tea and coffee around 7am for decades. And when I was ill she would look after me wonderfully, little sympathy but loads of practical support. She would not put up with my whinging for one moment. I can remember how she would prepare her own lunch when setting out for a day at work, and often I’d find a box of sandwiches waiting for me next time I looked in the kitchen. I was well and truly spoilt. But not so much now I suppose.

I did manage to sit for quite a while doing very little before deciding I absolutely had to get out of the house. I’ll go for a walk I thought, but then the rain came down a little too heavily and I stalled. At the next interlude I made my decision to tackle an annoying job I’d put off for far too long. So that’s how I ended up rather precariously clinging to the wall, as I balanced on top of my conservatory roof. Of course it started raining again and I got quite soaked as I washed moss away with my hosepipe. But at least the roof is a lot cleaner now.

Some days are particularly mundane. Today was one of them. Rather boring and completely uneventful. Ill health does that and to be honest I hate it. I really cannot accept being ill for much longer, I have to get better and get my life back. I became ill quite suddenly and for no clearly defined reason, though I was seriously overworked and highly stressed which possibly made me susceptible in some way. I know of others who have made a full recovery often for no apparent reason. So why not me? Especially when I have a good reason, I know the God who heals, I’ve seen him do it…

Psalm 103:3 ‘He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases.’ (NLT)