Wednesday, October 19, 2011

19th October

Today was a real challenge. I’d hoped to continue decorating the upstairs bathroom but that idea was binned, along with the electric shower in the downstairs bathroom. Annoying, as it wasn’t that old and I’m now on my 4th unit in 14 years, but somewhat satisfying in that I was able to replace it without help from a professional. The task itself was quite straightforward, apart from the increasingly convoluted plumbing, but keeping in the right frame of mind to finish the job was another story. It’s hard to believe that this time last week I felt quite well and almost happy. I woke this morning with a bad headache and things sort of went downhill from there. I’ve just felt so ill with M.E. and had to pace myself very carefully with several extended breaks in order to get through the day. But I persevered and completed the job and that was good.

This is what I’ve been looking at all day…

And now I can imagine Jane telling me off. Countless times over the years she would tell me not to complain or even admit that I was ill. Something about confessing illness not being a very good idea makes a lot of sense. They say confession is good for the soul, but it needs careful handling. Of course when we do wrong we should confess that wrong to the Lord and ask his forgiveness. But sometimes the wrong we do affects another person and then we need to apologise to them personally. And whilst the Catholic priestly confession doesn’t fit my style of church, reaching out for support with an ongoing problem, to an accountability partner, can be a real good idea. So when I keep saying I feel ill maybe that reinforces the negative making it a bigger problem than it need be. Of course it’s true that I am ill and today I feel really ill but perhaps I shouldn’t complain so much. It’s getting me down; I’m feeling quite low… and I have no-one watching over me now. Jane never put up with any of this nonsense, she’d soon put me straight!

I need a totally different focus, that’s the answer. And it has to start by fixing my eyes upon the Lord. He knows my every thought, he cares about me enough to count the very hairs on my head, he provides for my every need and answers my prayers before I even ask them. And those who live in the shelter of the most high, will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. He is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God and I trust him. No evil will conquer me, he will send his angels to protect me wherever I go. He is with me in all my troubles, he will rescue and honour me, and when I call he answers Nothing can separate me from his wonderful love, neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow – not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below – indeed nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

1 John 4:8 ‘But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love.’ (NLT)

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