Monday, November 14, 2011

14th November

More of the same today, and all it took was a flight of stairs, the few steps I climb every day. So even though I had a really good night’s sleep, I still woke up absolutely shattered. But that’s how M.E. is unfortunately, and it’s a bit random as for part of a day I can be quite dysfunctional whilst later on I might be able to walk for several miles quite happily. And it’s obviously stress related for me. Anyway first thing this morning I used my downstairs shower and needed to return upstairs and the stairs were a real struggle. One step at a time with a rest half way… and that was where the memories kicked in. All I could see was Jane, attached to her oxygen tubing, and persevering with the steps by sitting on each one, for quite literally 5 minutes at a time, trying to avoid the slightest effort which would cause breathlessness. At the top I would pick her up as gently as possible to help her to stand again. Her suffering without complaint was immense. And then I remembered the broken tooth she lived with for her last 5 months, as a visit to the dentist was quite impossible. Then I started worrying about not feeding her properly in her final couple of days. Was she really hungry even though unable to eat? I keep getting myself upset for no good reason. Thinking thoughts like this is totally pointless and completely irrelevant, especially considering Jane’s present situation… living a life of perfect health, in perfect surroundings, with perfect company and having perfect understanding of all that’s important. I have to try harder at seeing Jane as she is today rather than as she was whilst suffering.

I don’t know if it’s just a form of fictional escapism or not – as the Bible has little detail - but I still find it really helpful to simply think on the wonders of heaven and the life that awaits all those who belong to Jesus Christ. The life Jane’s living at this very moment. It must be quite a big place, given the variety and number of people living there. What do they all do? What is Jane doing? What about the heroes of faith that we read about in the Bible? Wonderful musician and song writer, that he is, I can’t imagine a mighty warrior like King David simply sitting on a heavenly cloud playing his harp! Surely any meaningful life includes the adventure of exploring the unknown.  I wonder what there is to find in some of the hidden corners of heaven. Surely we won’t be left to our own devices when we first arrive there. There’s no loneliness in heaven. So who’s looking after Jane? Keeping her company? I’m thinking of the Book of Ruth where we read of the foreigner Ruth being cared for and responding to the faith of her mother-in-law Naomi, after they’d both lost their husbands. A beautiful and inspiring story and both these people are in heaven today. I wonder if Jane’s met anyone ‘famous’ yet? But fame for sure will be applauded in a totally different way in heaven, as there is only one worthy of all praise… and his name is Jesus! But unless he’s taken his stepdad’s advice and learnt how to delegate, there could still be quite a queue to meet Moses though!

Romans 8:18-23 ‘Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later. For all creation is waiting eagerly for that future day when God will reveal who his children really are. Against its will, all creation was subjected to God’s curse. But with eager hope, the creation looks forward to the day when it will join God’s children in glorious freedom from death and decay. For we know that all creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. And we believers also groan, even though we have the Holy Spirit within us as a foretaste of future glory, for we long for our bodies to be released from sin and suffering. We, too, wait with eager hope for the day when God will give us our full rights as his adopted children, including the new bodies he has promised us.’ (NLT)

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