Saturday, November 26, 2011

26th November

So all of a sudden there was Jane, walking around and talking in a completely normal way. This morning my parents came to see me and as we sat talking they mentioned that they’d never been to Calke Abbey, a nearby National Trust stately home type of place. And I recalled the time we took my eldest grand-daughters there, just last year, when they made a bird box as part of some sort of craft activity day. Without thinking it through I fished out a DVD, I’d made at the time, and set it to play without even considering the title ‘2010 with Nana and Grandad’. All I was looking for was my young grand-daughter determinedly wielding a large hammer and persevering with a very stubborn nail. Quite suddenly though there was Jane presented in a very casual way looking extremely fit and well and enjoying the kids. And surprise, surprise I enjoyed seeing her! No tears, no upset, nothing like that at all. Not then anyway though right now I can barely see my laptop screen and my pizza’s almost choking me as I try and control the tears. So this morning it was fine… for a few minutes until my eldest also called by and she couldn’t cope at all. I turned it off. But I was really encouraged that I could handle watching it without any real problem.

After 6 months of almost continual tears I’m making progress. I will remember Jane as the person who brought joy into my life every day I knew her. The first time we met she smiled the most wonderful smile and I was hooked. I’d say she smiled her way through just about every challenge that ever crossed her path… it’s certainly how I remember her. She enjoyed life. I wish I could… one day I will, hopefully very soon. But not so much today despite the little encouragement. I miss her smiles. They always made me feel welcome in her life.

Numbers 6:25 ‘May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you.’ (NLT)

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