Friday, November 25, 2011

25th November

Well that was a smart move. I’ve had a rotten day, feeling really low and severely ill with Chronic Fatigue. I really wanted to finish cleaning the exterior of my motorhome, but couldn’t manage more than a quick spray around the front with the ‘Back to Black’ stuff. And my good intention of having a long walk in the countryside was limited to a much shorter walk to the local shops. I tried to engage and failed miserably as I just felt too exhausted and a little dizzy. When I’m that ill I avoid driving. Anyway come early evening I had to make a decision about an evening out that I’d been invited to. My friend runs a film club at the local church and this evening he was showing ‘The Kings Speech’, a movie that is well reviewed and one I’ve not seen before. But 45 minutes before the start time I felt horrible and even my appetite was all messed up, though I forced a bowl of soup down. So I sat there sinking deeper and deeper into depression and succumbing to heavy fatigue and then determined I had a simple choice. I could go to bed and crash out with a book, even though it was only 6.30pm and I’m often awake until 1am nowadays. I may feel exhausted but that doesn’t mean I’m sleepy. Or I could place one foot in front of the other and somehow walk 300 yards to the local church. So that’s what I did and thoroughly enjoyed myself, so much so that I feel like a different person right now. And I even managed a portion of chips with curry from the local chip shop on the way home… this is the life, I’ll be strolling down to the pub next! Or not… it’s been a couple of years since Jane and I were able to do that and although I don’t claim to be teetotal, I can’t recall having any alcohol at all this year, and hardly any last year either. I do enjoy a glass of wine but I’d never drink on my own anyway.

Colin Firth was impressive as King George VI, and apparently his daughter our Queen approved of the movie so I presume there must be some semblance of reality in it. And King George was portrayed in an admirable way as a man struggling with the challenge of unexpectedly becoming monarch, whilst dealing with a serious speech impediment. What struck me was his perseverance through difficulty, and how his passion for doing the right thing helped him face up to the fear of failure when he needed to speak publicly. So I reckon I can find encouragement in his example of how to live. I need to persevere through the challenge of bereavement, I will get through this most difficult time and I will move on. And I am passionate about doing the right thing by my God, despite tripping myself up over and over again. One day I will stand and walk forward rather more successfully than at the moment, as it sometimes feels like one step forward and two steps back. But I do feel completely at peace despite my failings and I have complete confidence in the Lord who is working on my future right at this very moment.

Lamentations 3:26 ‘So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.’ (NLT)

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