Monday, January 02, 2012

2nd January

original posting to Wikipedia using a Creative Commons Licence

Despite the end result I’ve quite enjoyed today. And I’m beginning to feel rather stronger in my grief journey. Of course I’m well aware that my emotions go up and down at pretty regular intervals, but let’s enjoy the respite no matter how temporary. It’s Jane’s birthday on the 20th and I can’t begin to imagine how I’ll feel then, it’s bad enough just thinking about it. I’m debating whether I should hit the road in my motorhome for a short break but I’ll have to see what else is happening, as well as watching the weather. My van is fully winterised but it’s still not much fun on my own if I can’t get out and about. Just a few years ago we travelled to Deal and spent a week in an otherwise empty field on a campsite with almost no facilities. It was early December, very wet and absolutely pitch black but we had a very special time, crying over Jane’s cancer prognosis before writing a Christmas song of praise together… I usually take a guitar along. Yes we’ve endured the fierceness of winter storms, seen the aftermath of a damaging coastal storm surge and even got trapped on the campsite near Malvern during the county wide flooding of 2007. It was 4 foot deep on our exit road and worse further afield prohibiting movement for several days. But we were warm and dry, our provisions were well stocked and I had Jane for company. I needed or asked for nothing more. We read a little, played word games and talked a lot. It’s not just Jane that I miss, and I do miss her terribly even on a day without tears, no it’s my whole way of life that’s changed. Almost everything I did, I did with Jane. I was able to retire from work back in 1999 and since then I’ve been free to support Jane through University and care for her through her ill health… makes me sound old doesn’t it? I formulated a ‘plan’ 4 years ago, when I turned 55, and decided I would start counting down in age on my birthdays from then on. So the last time I turned 50 I felt really old and did not welcome it at all. But this time (at the end of the month) I feel much happier about reaching that particular milestone. Anyway this plan must have some sense in it as surely wisdom grows with age and I keep spouting nonsense, so I can’t be getting older can I?

Ok, today my son-in-law broke his car key and got stranded, locked out of his car. So I set out to become the Good Samaritan once more. The plan we came up with was for me to collect my daughter and grandchildren, bring them to my house for tea and then to crank up my ‘home cinema’ with a yet to be chosen video. It sounded really nice especially as my daughter was feeling quite sad. Her husband was fairly close by and he’d sort out the car tomorrow. Good plan I thought. But earlier this afternoon my youngest came to visit and tried out her new recipe book she’d received as a Christmas present. That worked well until I drove her and her husband home on the way to collecting my eldest. So there I was parked outside my youngest daughter’s house discussing the indefensible, though widespread, practise of legalism within the church. Don’t get me started. Anyway I turned my car engine off after a minute, until the conversation reached some sort if equanimity and I’d said goodbye to my daughter and husband. So then what are the chances of two members of the same family having their cars breakdown at near enough the same time? Doesn’t really matter, they ought to be able to rescue their car tomorrow and though mine is now dumped outside my brother-in-laws garage, the by-the-side of the road diagnosis is a broken fuel pump. Ah well, the breakdown man was really friendly and it turned out he was my grand-daughters football coach and lives only a few hundred yards from me. So he gave me a lift home and then he immediately texted my daughter, as he had her number in his phone, to make sure they were sorted. Good man! Movie night will be tomorrow and I still have my 3 ton motorhome as a set of wheels to share between us.

Romans 8:28 ‘And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.’ (NLT)

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