14th September

I feel as though I’ve achieved quite a lot today. I managed to get to the 7am prayer meeting for the third day in a row but I wasn’t half tired. Then an earlier walk today meant I could travel to nearby Loughborough to visit my daughter there… and my youngest grand-daughters just started year one at primary school so I had the privilege of joining mum to go bring her home. And the highlight of my day was seeing her face when she spotted me waiting in the playground… we had a lovely hug and then she chattered all the way home about her toy cats. She’s an amazing story teller for a 5 year old, but her younger brother got a little worried when we were trying to work out where the elephants were hiding on the way home… because they only come out at night when no-one can see them!

I suppose I feel like a little child sometimes what with all the crying and I still keep getting upset. It seems my daughters are all suffering as well at the moment which is predictable. We were all extremely close as a family and Jane was far more than just a mum… she was a close friend to each one of them. And she also had vast experience after raising four children herself, together with professional training, which meant she could encourage in so many ways over the years. I’m not the only one who feels a little adrift and in need of support.

Unfortunately I now have to grow up a little, stiff upper lip and all that. I don’t know if it was caused by stress or too much crying but earlier today I felt a sudden sharp pain in my eye. It stopped hurting immediately and I thought no more about it until my daughter mentioned how bloodshot my eye was. I guess it’s a burst blood vessel and unless it gets worse it should heal in a few days, but it might help to stay a bit more cheerful for a bit… maybe if I get my camera out tonight I might get a shot of the Allestree elephants when they go walk-about in the dark. I’ll be able to tell my grand-daughter where they hide then!

I suppose I did learn something from Jane’s psychotherapy studies… apparently Sigmund Freud observed regression to an earlier stage of development is used as a defence mechanism in order to avoid handling unacceptable impulses in an adult way. So let’s be a big kid and after a good cry everything will be all right. Oh and I need a hug as well…

Nehemiah 8:10 ‘Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.’ (NIV)