28th September

Today has been simply a day of survival. Just one step in front of the other, keep breathing in and out, I can do this, I can get through this, and it will not defeat me. In God’s strength I will not sink, I am blessed and privileged in so many ways with how I live and with the family I have.  But it’s been another tough day and yes I do feel like I’m weakening. Somehow I need to take the attention of myself and look outward as there are always those who are worse off, but that’s hard…

But God is on my side and for sure he’s working for good in me and through me. I just need to keep my eyes on him and persevere through the tears and pain, and all will be well. I’m always amazed at how the Lord speaks, reminding us that he is with us, he has not forgotten or forsaken us. Indeed that is never going to happen to those who seek his face and reach out to him in repentance and humility. And I believe God did break through my inner torment with a word today. I’ve often found comfort in blues music… yes I know it can be rather ungodly but as a genre there’s a lot going for it, for me. So today I was listening to an album featuring Eric Clapton and BB King working together. And they have an arrangement of a song I remember playing in a band 40 years ago... we mostly played gigs in the Methodist Youth Clubs, Scout Huts and Schools of Derby. But today one line leapt out as if the Lord was speaking directly to me… ‘When the day comes and you're in doubt, in a river of trouble, about to drown. Hold on, I'm coming.’

I took this on one of my walks, and if this tiny thing can hold on… so can I!

So my Lord, I am always surprised at how you choose to speak to this messed up man. And really I’m amazed that you bother with me at all, I do not deserve your goodness and patience. Lord I am so unworthy of all that you have blessed me with. So my God I simply say thank you, and I receive your word and I believe that you are going to come into my life in a new way. You will rescue me from the pit of despair I so foolishly throw myself into and you will raise me up once again to that place of victory where I might once again serve the purposes of God. I love you Jesus and give my life afresh to you and only you… amen!

Isaiah 43:2 ‘When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown.’ (NLT)