30th September

I suppose today has been an ‘all right’ sort of day. I am feeling just a little bit more in control emotionally, but not physically, as I’m quite poorly with M.E. although I’ve decided to persevere and battle through the fatigue for a change, rather than simply resting. I’m not totally convinced that’s the right approach but I’m a bit fed up with feeling ill so I’m tackling it head on, and we’ll see what happens. So this morning I finished my 4 day project. I’ve painted my large shed and it took 30 minutes a day to complete the 4 sides and that was really  enough work for me. It’s a bit sad having to manage my activity so strictly as I am by nature a bit of a workaholic. I love work and hate sitting around trying to occupy myself, but maybe that was part of the reason I became ill in the first place… 55 hours a week as a financial adviser plus maybe 10 hours working for the church. And then I had 4 children and a home to look after as well. At that time I remember having a week off work to do a partial attic conversion… suspended floor, roof window and partitions, plus worktops to provide me some office space. And the nicest thing about that job was having one of daughters at home on A-level study leave and she came and sat with me for hours and hours. We listened to a new Eric Clapton album over and over… wonderful memories of a different life.

The autumn colours are changing my walk through the woods. Here and there it’s turned the track into something like a golden pathway. And that set me thinking again, no not the Wizard of Oz thing… I’ve never ever seen that, not once. It reminded me of heaven and the Bible description of the New Jerusalem coming down from there. So I suppose that’s where it is now and maybe Jane’s paid a visit to it? I wonder what it’s like living in such an amazing place, where the gold which we value so greatly is deemed only fit for making pavement!

It’s funny when you think about how we spend so much time accumulating possessions, working for a better life. Looking for promotion maybe to boost our income stream and facilitate a newer car, a bigger house, more stuff… and yet we’re all gonna die one day, and the only thing we can take with us into the hereafter are our relationships, hopefully with our loved ones but more importantly with the Lord. And yes there will be rewards in heaven for the good we do in this life, but for sure none of the material wealth we accumulate on earth will mean a thing then. Indeed we ought to be using that which we have now with our eyes firmly set on God purpose for our lives. Jane was really good at giving to the poor and needy through so many Christian ministries, so I guess she’ll be enjoying her special reward right now… I’m not sure how good I am at giving to others, now I’m alone.

Revelation 21:21 ‘The twelve gates were twelve pearls, each gate made of a single pearl. The great street of the city was of gold, as pure as transparent glass.’ (NIV)