2nd September

Repeating yesterday’s triumph is never going to satisfy in quite the same way. But what else am I supposed to do with half a jar of pasta sauce, half a box of mushrooms and my almost out of date last onion? So my meal this evening appeared identical to yesterday’s but really it wasn’t anything like it. The sparkle had gone. But I hate waste and I’m not yet experienced enough to invent an alternative recipe with said ingredients so there you go. Cooking for one is a whole new world. And it’s been a good day anyway. This morning was my penultimate child-minding session before the start of the new school term and I’m not sure whether I’ve properly engaged with the task this year. Last summer was so special with Jane and the children as we did so many new activities that she had all planned out. But again, there was no point me trying to repeat them as it just wouldn’t have been the same without Jane’s creative presence. At least they’re safe even if a little overexposed to screen-world. They brought a netbook, an iPod and watched my old fashioned TV to keep them happy for hours though it still felt like a cop-out to me. But I have taken them out most days, if only shopping, to give them a break. I tried to be a good grand-dad in my own way.

On my walk today I started thinking about the music I was listening to and my engagement with it. I realised that quite often I was matching my steps to the rhythm… at times it almost feels as if I’m dancing through the woods, which would be a bit weird I know but you get my point. But then I recalled a distant memory of a song that encouraged us to match our heartbeat with the Lord’s. And it struck me how much I need to have the Lord constantly filling my heart with his love, with his peace, with his joy and with Godly desires to fulfil. I cannot look back to the past no matter how good it was. I cannot look back to the past and keep a hold of the trauma and damage I suffered losing my lovely wife. No, whether good or bad the past is the past and at best a stepping stone into the future. And I am determined that in Christ I will triumph over present adversity and will walk into the future knowing his grace and fulfilling his call upon my life.

Ezekiel 11:19 ‘I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.’ (NIV)