15th September

I just about made it through the day without tears. But it had it’s challenging moments as I spent time first with my elderly parents and then my youngest daughter who are all still really grieving quite badly. And after a little retail therapy my daughter joined me on my woodland walk; and that’s her third time, a real treat. My little girl hadn’t been to the gym all week and thought a walk in the countryside would help compensate but it turned out to be rather more rural than anticipated… open toed sandals weren’t ideal with the mess a flock of sheep leave behind, not to mention the equally unsanitary geese. And she was surprised to see her dad having to ‘persuade’ a small herd of miniature cows to move aside and let us pass on the narrow trail through the woods. She’s quite tough really as well as being good company and it was good for us both to comfort one another for a couple of hours.

Grief is so personal and in one sense maybe as different as the differences in the relationship with the one we’ve lost. But although I was obviously closest to Jane being her husband, her soul-mate, her lover and best friend, I perceive the attachment of a loving daughter or son to a caring befriending mum is just as strong; and the pain of loss is immense for each of my kids at the moment. We need each other so much and I’m so grateful we get to spend time to talk and hug a little… and also talk of wedding plans. I love the creativity and independent thinking of my children so it’ll be a really good day next month and completely different from my other two daughter’s weddings. She certainly has one particular idea that’s a little unusual… she’s refusing to change her surname and will remain Ms. So I suppose that’s one more thing she and I share, I didn’t change my name or title when I got married!

Revelation 2:17 ‘To everyone who is victorious I will give some of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven. And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it.’ (NLT)