Friday, July 15, 2011

15th July

I suppose it’s to do with coming back home, but today has been another day of feeling rather low and getting myself upset again. Crying seems to give me a headache which is annoying as I need to try and avoid painkillers as much as possible. I took a photo of Jane a few years ago as she walked away from me holding one of our grand-daughter’s hands. They were collecting leaves in a nearby wood to use in a creative arts project back at home. Then one day Jane took the photo and used it as a starting point for one of her oil paintings and that now hangs on my wall… and makes me cry. But if it wasn’t that it would be something else I guess.

Where do I go from here? I have to occupy myself in a meaningful way I know, but what should I be doing? Sitting around without purpose is not a good idea for anyone and though I should not make any major decisions at this point in my life I still need to engage with useful activity. For the past couple of days my son has been replacing the roofing-felt on one of my sheds and it’s been great to get that job sorted. But simply showing him what to do was very tiring and there are limits to what I can do which is frustrating as I’m a natural workaholic. Being away on holiday was really good but that can only be a short term fix. I need a mini-project without time constraints to occupy me I guess, but even though I have plenty of ideas I continue to find focus illusive. I really need to hear the Lord and allow him to direct my paths. Good ideas are not enough.

Proverbs 3:6 ‘Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.’ (NLT)

No comments: