Tuesday, July 19, 2011

19th July

The crashing waves of grief are easing a little today. And to some extent so is the severity of my headache, so I reckon the two are directly related and certainly the whole experience is horribly stressful and not a healthy way to live for too long a period of time. But I know that whilst the process of grief is physically discomforting it is nonetheless essential in order to move on with my life. The heartache and physical pain go together and there is no shortcut to working this thing through. So this last weekend has been particularly intense but although important I guess as part of the grieving process I cannot live continually like that. All I can do is endure the extremes and enjoy the periods of respite knowing that the whole thing will gradually ease and the shock of loss I’m living with will one day be healed.

In the meantime I must press into God seeking his grace, receiving his favour and keeping a hold of his peace which continues to rest so completely upon my life. He is my all sufficient one, I trust him with my future and in him is everything I need to be completely fulfilled in every area of life. Practically speaking I’m learning to pray almost as if for the first time! And I simply occupy myself as gainfully as possible, sometimes tackling household chores or small jobs, often simply reading a novel as a form of escapism but all help in distracting from overly and purely focussing upon loss.

Our poor elderly cat – he’s over 20 - just walked past me and whilst staring intently at an empty settee started howling. And I know exactly how he feels, indeed if I thought it might help I’d give it a go myself…

Philippians 4:13 ‘For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.’ (NLT)

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