13th January

I needed to push myself a little to get going this morning, but otherwise I’ve felt pretty good again. And I’ve managed more work on my bathroom so that’s encouraging. I can almost see the end in sight now, just a few more days and I’ll be ready for the next room. But there was a little upset this morning when my mum rang to inform me that my dad has been suddenly admitted to hospital. He needs an operation for a small gall stone apparently, though they won’t operate until Tuesday, so he’ll be sitting around for a few days waiting. He has quite number of grand-daughters working at the hospital so they’ve been bypassing visiting hours to give him attention right through the day. And having a large family he’s getting plenty of visitors so I’ll probably wait a day or two. He did initially say that I should not visit as he’s aware of the serious amount of time I’ve spent in hospitals over the years with Jane. I’ll have to bite that particular bullet sometime and I guess this will be as good a reason as any. I’ve also been stalling a check-up at the dentist for a few months and today I faced that one down and got booked in for early March. Avoiding health care environments is not a long term option.

I’ve very slightly tweaked my back fitting a new wall cupboard in my bathroom. I’ve been putting this job off for a month now as I could see it might be awkward. Indeed it was just a little too heavy and rather bulky to hold comfortably whilst I measured up the drill holes. But as usual I ignored that I’m not as strong or flexible as I was a few years ago and seeing the need I just got on with it. I did seriously damage my back twenty years ago, so I should be careful, but it’ll be all right this time I’m sure. The point is though, I ignored the instructions that came with the cupboard, as they quite clearly illustrated that it should be a two person job. I’ve always been strong and have a mountain of experience in DIY so a ‘little’ cupboard can be no problem. Macho Dave always knows better doesn’t he? He should do… but doesn’t. Sometimes I’m stubborn and do what I want rather than what I should. I should have waited until my son was around. But didn’t.

It seems to me that many if not all of life’s problems are caused by ‘doing the wrong thing’. Ok, and as often as not my problems are caused by someone else’s actions as well. Sometimes you just can’t win. And it’s not unusual to have absolutely no idea what caused a particular wrong to appear. Ill health for example… I can speculate but basically have no idea why I have Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Similarly with Jane, how on earth did she end up with Leiomyosarcoma? But just because we don’t know the cause doesn’t mean that there wasn’t one. Then there’s the area of broken relationships. Particularly with marriage. The divorce rate is absurdly high, so much so that many choose not to marry in the first place to avoid that particular hassle. But I can’t imagine the separation rate of cohabitees is any better. And the damage caused by separating, especially where children are involved, is going to be just as real no matter the legal basis of being together. I could talk of personal finances or how we behave in the workplace, and maybe personal integrity and honesty or greed, and caring for the needy or wasting resources…

This world is filled with so much goodness, beauty and opportunity. So why is it so often overshadowed with evil? My life with Jane was ‘heavenly’; her cancer most definitely arose from hell! Why do we so often have spoilt that which starts off so very good? Oh dear I’ve wandered way off talking about putting my back out, I’ll climb down off my soapbox in just a minute… life is disorderly and yet I cannot believe it was originally intended to be that way. The Bible says that we are all ‘made in the image of God’. And he is always good. The problem is that we are not and we often overrule with reason or even ignore the quiet voice of our conscience. That is one of the most common ways that the Lord speaks! If we cultivate our conscience, his voice becomes clearer. And using the Bible as a plumb line of right and wrong by understanding what it reveals about God is a basic necessity of life for me. So my testimony is that, for me, marriage was wonderful and the love we had for one another overcame every obstacle… and we learnt how to live and love often through prayerfully reading the Word of God. And ill health may have damaged our bodies, but it will not change who we are as people... made in the image of God.

Jane liked to personalise every Bible she had with a little art and craft. Perhaps the Lord does the same… the way he speaks as we read is quite unique to each one of us. And specifically relevant to where we’re at.  

2 Timothy 3:16 ‘All Scripture is inspired by God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives. It corrects us when we are wrong and teaches us to do what is right.’ (NLT)