22nd January

I’ve not felt this ill in a long time. Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is a horrible thing when it really takes a hold. But I’ve been ‘here’ before and have confidence that the particularly severe symptoms will pass. It just means complete rest for as long as it takes. And that’s the problem. Complete rest includes mental as well as physical, and I’m still a little too upset thinking about Jane at the moment. Or should I say thinking about me losing Jane. Truthfully, whenever I think about Jane I picture her in heaven and she’s fine, doing really well. She’s completely able to handle her change in circumstances, but then again that goes with the territory doesn’t it? Nobody gets a ticket into heaven without desiring the person of Jesus with all their heart, soul and mind; over and above the closest of other relationships.  And she loved God for sure. As I do, when you peel back the layers of grief and earthly frailty! Ok she’s doing well… but I’m not. Not this weekend anyway. I’ve reached the stage where I just need looking after. Jane could have done that. She was always encouraging, always hopeful whilst never allowing me to complain about my lot in life. And she was a worker in every sense of the word. The rare occasions when I couldn’t face making the early morning cup of tea she’d step into the gap without a murmur. But I guess that was only a handful of times in a year, so she didn’t do too badly really. And I enjoyed my favourite food cooked to perfection at every meal-time as my ‘reward’! I wonder whether she gets an early morning cuppa in heaven… does she have a house share? Apparently there’s no marriage in heaven, but I can’t imagine living far away from her when I eventually join her. And I’d willingly make her a cup of tea every day for the whole of eternity. I’ve been practising for many years already.

In reality the practicalities of heaven are way beyond my comprehension as the Bible only gives the barest glimpse of life in eternity. What I do know is that Jesus Christ lives there… and so does Jane, because she gave her life to him many years ago. He calls the place paradise, so it’s got to be good, and really, what more do we need to know?

James 1:17 ‘Whatever is good and perfect comes down to us from God our Father’ (NLT)