26th January

Some days the tears just have to flow. Although I still feel ill I decided to do my 3 mile walk through the woods at Kedleston today. And the walk was great, no problem whatsoever, very peaceful as I was almost completely alone, though rather muddy. But as I was listening to my music a track came on that I hadn’t noticed before and it was actually a beautiful song of love, about a father preparing to say goodbye to his daughter as she was to be married. The sentiment of the song struck a chord in my heart as I remembered my final few years with Jane and how we spent so much time together. Often it was almost literally 24/7 and whilst at work it would easily have taken a decade before we spent so many hours with each other. Although standing firmly in denial, we both knew that her time was short and every minute was so very precious. We treasured our time together and the cry of both our hearts was that we would not be separated. But the clock was ticking and no matter what we did Jane had limited time left.

So we made the most of our time together and truthfully I feel so glad that we did. I gave her my all and have no regrets. Not one. Her Prince Jesus has whisked her away from me and that makes me happy. She deserves the very best and now she truly receives her reward for the life she lived. Ok, the song that reached into my soul and plucked my heart strings is entitled Cinderella of all things. It’s performed by a guy called Stephen Curtis Chapman, and you can listen at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eaVtFg7ozOs

In a funny sort of way I actually feel a little better having allowed myself to grieve in this way. Remembering the treasured time we spent together in her final years. Yes the picture is of me in my short hair days having a bit of fun just 4 weeks before Jane was taken away.

Ephesians 5:15-17 ‘So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise. Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. Don’t act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do.’ (NLT)