Monday, April 04, 2011

4th April

Such a difficult 24 hours. At the end of visiting hours last night I left Jane quite breathless and in a lot of pain. Around midnight the texts started. They needed her bed so she was told to pack her bag and she was being moved to another ward, the very ward she was in two years ago and where she had a horrendous time for several months. Most upsetting and after a very distressing hour waiting for a porter I rang the ward for an explanation. Obviously they had a ‘good reason’ for the move and the delay and offered appropriate apology but it’s a rubbish way to treat a seriously ill patient.

Today was worse. Her pleural effusion drain had not been booked so that’s been put back another day. Scan results were given by a very caring doctor who she’d never met before and in simple terms the chemo has not worked, the existing lesions have grown and there are now new ones. As her own consultant is on holiday we have to wait for a detailed interview but it seems pretty clear that Jane is in a very serious situation now. We know of no other treatment available to stem the growth.

Despite all of this we had a quite peaceful time together for the too short 6 hour visiting time allowed. We were able to be distracted as we considered events across North Africa and the Middle East and dared to toy with hope that events may yet unfold in a way that usher in the return of Christ thus making our ‘little’ problems obsolete. Who knows… we certainly don’t but speculation is an engaging game. And then we thought about the certainty of Jane’s healing. Whether it be as she steps into eternity or whether God is merciful in this life… again we don’t know and the difference is only a single heartbeat! I am determined to keep on reaching out to God and asking him to give me my wife back… oh Lord please.

Hebrews 4v16 ‘So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most.’ (NLT)

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