Friday, September 16, 2011

16th September

Today has been almost unbearably painful again. I feel so very sad and lonely and although not much was planned it still didn’t go as expected and that makes me feel even worse… my son is repeatedly being given wrong information about a new job he’s hoping to start, and though it may still turn out ok, it’s rather confusing at the moment to say the least. There’s more I could say but I won’t as it would turn into a moan… and I mustn’t do that!

But really my frustration is nothing to do with my son’s problems, much as I care about him. I’m just very emotional and the slightest extra burden is simply too much. On my walk today I listened to a great song written by Charlie Hall called ‘On the Road to Beautiful’. I’ve only reproduced a few lines as I can’t work out the copyright thing but the lyrics are freely available on his website anyway. And they sum up exactly how I feel today.

Father come to me and hold me up cause I can barely stand
My strength is gone and my breath is short and I can’t reach out my hands
But my heart is set on a pilgrimage toward heavens own bright kin

I feel totally at the end of my own ability to cope with bereavement and I’ve really had enough of feeling like this. But only the Lord can help me I know, as I so much need his grace, his strength, his power, his guidance, his favour, his comfort, his provision and to know his arms of love sheltering me from the storms of this life. One day all will be well… I suppose I should see that as today, but it doesn’t feel like it right now.

Psalm 68:19 ‘Praise the Lord; praise God our saviour! For each day he carries us in his arms.’ (NLT)

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