Tuesday, September 06, 2011

6th September

I’m waiting for the tide to turn. The waves of grief are still crashing in messing up my day. I say messing up, but really grief is very healthy even if a little too tearful to engage with any ‘normal’ activity. The problem is it leaves me feeling ill and suffering a bad head but it will pass I know. I suppose the lows are not really as low and the ‘highs’ if you want to call them that are getting a little higher. Time is a healer but I believe only as much as I allow myself to engage with the grieving process. I’m getting there I know, but today I feel pretty rubbish. I’ve missed out on my walk for a couple of days now and perhaps that’s more important than I realised. I find it wonderfully therapeutic but I spent yesterday with my grand-daughters and today I was just too ill to cope with battling the wind and rain. Maybe tomorrow.

I travelled to Loughborough this morning to visit my daughter and grandson. He’s started at playgroup every morning so that’s a big change for him and mum. And my daughter’s still suffering from the loss of her mum so we had to comfort one another with a few hugs. I don’t know where I’d be without my family… they’re wonderful at supporting and comforting me.

I just feel really sad and lonely, I want my wife back…

Psalm 56:8 ‘You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.’ (NLT)

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