Wednesday, March 02, 2011

2nd March Chemo Day 9

Just been thinking it’s all a bit much… I guess sometimes it’s not that anything particular is happening it’s just that the on-going pressure of continual stress for the past few weeks sort of piles up and really is too much! It’s been quite a good day for Jane and yet I feel totally exhausted. Aaaarh I reckon I feel a dose of the Poor Old Me’s coming on… not a good plan! How to escape? Does God ever feel down? Do you think he could ever feel miserable? About me? With me? No way! Maybe I should blame it upon M.E., an old and tired excuse, but I really don’t think I should allow an illness, any illness, to become bigger in my life than God himself. Surely if I were close to him, I mean really close recognising his presence, his power, his compassion, seeing as he sees, understanding as he understands… all would be well. More than well, perfect.

So let’s think about who God is. This world says that the universe was formed in some sort of mysterious Big-Bang. Scientists spend billions on instruments designed to replicate the supposed first moments of the universe… fair enough if we are to value scientific progress in that way but what was there before the Big-Bang, and if we answer that, what was there before that? All very complicated and some very clever people construct suitably incomprehensible theories in the field of quantum cosmology constructing an understanding of the ‘space-time’ continuum whilst blinding us with the sheer power of the intellect. At root though I believe they simply try to convince us that God does not exist. In my eyes they fail miserably. I prefer to recognise a simple God truth… no-one fully understands God, his ways are not our ways, and I actually believe that in him is a remarkably simple explanation of how it all started. God is bigger than the physical universe and bigger than time itself. He lives outside of the physical and outside of time and so in one sense has always existed except that phrase only makes sense in the reality of time itself which he is outside of! Anyway he chose to create the physical reality we live in, started the clocks of time and designed every tiny and massive detail of the universe. We cannot begin to imagine how he did this but surely this explanation of how we came to exist is the only logical one!

I feel much better now… I always find it exciting when I consider the nature and work of God! It works a treat and always helps me get my tiny, tiny world and its little problems into a proper perspective. I find it awe inspiring simply looking up at the stars when I can get out of town away from the street lights. Aren’t there a lot! Back to the real subject of the day now… Jane has had quite a good day after quite a good night’s sleep. She’s enjoyed doing a few chores, possibly one or two too many as she’s quite tired now but really she continues to improve despite having chemo yesterday. We have to trust the chemo is beginning to damage cancer cells and not having a seriously adverse effect on Jane’s overall health. She had a lovely chemo flush on her face this morning and continues to take all manner of anti-sickness, indigestion and steroid pills but basically she’s doing good! Thank you Jesus.  

Psalm 139v13 ‘You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb’ (NLT)

No comments: