Ok, so now I’m back home and the journey was fine, similar time to travelling down with very little traffic to worry about. Aside from the predictable 30 minute delay with an accident on the M25 that is, but my satnav earned it’s keep with a nifty evasion at the first available exit and even saved me a mile or two in fuel so that can’t be bad. I felt pretty much all right when I got home and so spent a happy couple of hours unpacking my motorhome and sorting things out at home. I still have a certain amount of paperwork relating to Jane to deal with, nothing too complicated but it all takes time and a bit of careful thought.
On reflection I have to say that this 11 night break has done me the power of good. It’s the longest I can remember being away for several years and I needed to do it. I decided to stay away for as long as it takes to sort myself out and though that work is by no means finished I feel so much better now. It’s as though a confidence in my ability to cope has been gained together with a beginning of understanding of the way forward for my life. Whilst I know I have to be careful of taking on board too much I do feel able to consider re-engaging with ‘normal’ life in some way or other. So then, our cat seems to have gone a little wild whilst I’ve been away and needs some company I suppose, although I don’t really enjoy the things he has been a family pet and brought a lot of pleasure for Jane especially, for 20 years or so. I’ll have to grit my teeth and stroke him a bit more I guess… unless I can get my grand-children to visit a bit more often? And I really might need to give my family some time as they have their own journey of grief to work through. But I don’t think I was much good for anything before I went away.
Matthew 5:4 ‘Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.’ (NIV)
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