23rd July

I feel quite at peace today and a little stronger. The day has passed with the usual domestic chores, a little shopping and then a hike through the woods again and now the suns shining. And I’m increasingly enjoying getting back into walking which used to be one of my favourite activities, so I’m pushing myself to walk a little faster each time I get out. I need to take advantage of the respite from incapacity I’m enjoying at the moment and improve my core fitness. I hate being ill with chronic fatigue. Like any long term serious illness M.E. can be almost soul destroying, taking away the quality of life in some many ways. I want to get back into the workplace; it’s where I belong and whether it’s in paid employment or the charity sector I don’t mind, but I know I’m getting older and time is running out. I need healing from this horrible illness so I can get on with living. I don’t need to be sitting around at home feeling ill; it’s not part of the plan anymore… if it ever was. I want to play badminton, climb a few mountains, make music in a band, care for the lost and needy…  basically live without continual headaches, dizziness, lack of concentration, brain fog, aches and pains and a weariness that goes way beyond exhaustion even after a good night’s sleep.

I know the journey through grief is tough but with the Lord’s help I am confident that one day I’ll move on, and my hope now is for a season of relief from excessive stress and some good mental relaxation which would certainly provide at least a step forward in my health recovery. Sunshine helps as well… I wonder sometimes if it’s not the key ingredient. Vitamin supplements never seem to replace being outdoors in the summer. Basically though only God can heal the incurable and all I can do is keep praying and trying to manage my condition as best as I can which ought to be a whole lot easier now I’ve only got myself to look after… oh no I forgot about the cat.

There… I can do it, almost a whole blog without a mention of Jane. I woke up sobbing this morning which was quite timely as I needed to change the sheets and pillows anyway.

Ephesians 2:10 ‘He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.’ (MSG)