20th July

It’s been a dull day… not just the weather either. I don’t feel as though I’ve achieved much at all even though I know I needed to rest. And that’s boring. So a few household chores and a trip to the tip with some rubbish and that’s about it, another day come and gone. But I have been thinking about things again, at least when I wasn’t being sucked into computer land. A small search query looking for a book and a couple of hours seem to disappear with nothing to show for it. I suppose it’s relatively harmless but it’s so easy just to waste time when trawling the web in an undisciplined way. Debatably the Internet is the most powerful social engineering tool ever seen, infiltrating and changing almost every aspect of modern life but it’s mostly incomprehensible, and potentially dangerous, so despite it’s obvious value it always holds a trap for the unguarded sucking us into waste of time land… or worse.

So after my little rant, back on topic and about my thinking. A quite simple thought which may well be rather harder to explain… the Lord filled my heart with love for Jane, she stepped into eternity to live with him and my heart is broken. My whole being remains totally at peace in Christ, I have no complaints, no fear and no doubts about my journey with the Lord. One day Jane and I will be together again of course… the Lord is returning to planet earth - one day soon I believe - and if I’m still alive I’ll meet Jane then. If not we’ll already be together anyway in heaven. But that must not be my goal and purpose in life, simply a Biblical hope for the future as my focus needs to be on the work of God today as that’s all I can affect right now. I have to let Jane go. Anyway, my point… today I remain totally in love with Jane, I adore her but I can’t show it anymore. Although she’s gone, the love I have for her hasn’t, indeed it’s broken. The answer I seek is only to be found in Christ and his love for mankind and me, which is greater than any love that a man can have for a woman for sure.

Quite simply I need to fall in love with God again.

Deuteronomy 6:5 ‘Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.’ (NIV)